1: AHHHHHHHH!

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----NOVEMBER 21st 2013----

"You didn't..."

"Listen, sweethear--"

"Shut up," my voice felt so quiet.

"Darlin--"

"SHUT UP!" Erupted past my lips, "You always do this-- every time! I don't know why I even try anymore."

"Come on sweetie, you know you don't mean that," I flinched away from her grip, the intense smell of vodka burning my nostrils.

"I was trying. I was trying so hard to fix us and you ruined it--AGAIN! You promised me you would stay clean, wouldn't just leave me to deal with the money, the food, the house--EVERYTHING! Do you even CARE?!"

"Of course I care," she promised.

"Then..." I took a shaky breath, "...Why do this again?" I held the substances high, showing her of my discovery.

She seemed to go silent, an intense stare penetrating my hand--"Where did you find them?"

"Where do you think?" I jumped back as she reached for the small bag.

"Give that to me," she ordered.

"No!" I refused.

"Jessie Drew I am your Mother and the authority figure in this household, I demand you hand that over. It was not yours to take!" I scoffed out a cruel laugh with her desperation.

"Do you even hear yourself right now?!" I dodged her attempts yet again, "I don't know who you are but it is most certainly not my mother."

"...Just give me them Jess--please..." I ignored her pleas.

"Why?!--So you can fall down the rabbit hole all over again? So you can escape reality while I have to take care of you 24/7, Again? So you can live in paranoia of the cops suddenly busting down the door and taking you to prison for drug possession, AGAIN? Is that what you want?" I pressed, "This is the longest you've been clean for...Why fall back now?..."

The room once again grew silent, my hope was my words actually registered--yet all faith was smashed when she lept forward in a final try, knocking the bag and it's contents into the sink. I made quick work of pushing it down the plug hole and switching on the garbage disposal.

"You STUPID girl!" I was named before a sharp pain across my cheek sent me to the floor. I lifted my hand, wincing when I came into contact with the reddening area; finding the smallest amount of blood on my fingertips after the inspection--"Oh my, god. Jessie, I'm sor--"

"Save it. This happens every time, remember?" my brow creased, "Well, it used to."

"What do you mean?"

"I give up, mom. If your not high, then your drunk, if you're not drunk then you've gone AWOL. And I give up on it...I hate you...--You've ruined my life and I hate you--"

"Jess--"

"I just wish I could close my eyes and never see you ever again...My dream? To be rid of you for the rest of my life..." I turned sharply, rushing to my room with quick movements and slamming the door with a ferocious force. Unable to stop myself from kicking over a recently fixed lamp, and collapsing onto my bed in a fit of tears.


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I rolled onto my side, pressing the pillow against my ear harder and praying the muffled music would end soon. I sighed, glaring at my bedroom door as the room seemed to vibrate with the horrid sounds. Squinting in the low light a luminous green informed me of the time being 3:22 A.M. I grumbled, thankful I was off work tomorrow, but miserable over the thought of cleaning up the mess currently being made--what a lucky 19-year-old I am(!) I rolled onto my back, taking deep breaths while squishing my self-pity...

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