Unscripted✓

Chapter 20

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Helium - Sia

Evernly

Is your first kiss suppose to haunt you? Is it suppose to kill you slowly? Is it suppose to kill you slowly? Is it suppose to be your worse nightmare.

For me, it haunts me. It kills me slowly. It is my worse nightmare. The guilt crashing feeling ache in my chest for every waking moment. I was suppose to kiss Harry. My first kiss was suppose to be his and I had his first kiss.

I am a hypocrite, I went all raging fury when I saw him waking out of that room. How do I know they weren't just talking? Maybe he needed to tell her something.

Don't be naive Evernly.

Nothing I try to convince myself with calms the storm in my head, body and heart. I am a traitor. No amount of self - loathing help. Ten days since my first kiss. I hardly talked not because is a self-destruction thing I do. It's because I can't find the words to start talking.

Who do I trust with this sensitive pieces of information that is destroying me. How do I go on living knowing what I did? How do I look Harry in the eyes and lie to his face? Because I will never tell him the truth I will deny till I die.

I use to think this school is big enough to hide amongst the students. But lately I've realized how small it is. Especially if you're trying to hide from two people. I haven't made it to any of my classes i share with Mason or Harry for that matter.

I can't find the courage to look either one of them in the eyes. I am considering dropping psychology. But I know soon I'll have to face Harry. I don't want to loose him after all. I just need to cover the guilt in my face better.

I am better at pretending, or at least I use to be. I thought I've mastered the art of charades and facades but this situation proved to one of the most challenging things I've had to cover.

"You're scaring me Eve." Alora talks breaking me out of my destructive thoughts.

"You never talk and when you do, you mumble uncoordinated words that don't make sense."

I want to tell her what's wrong but I'm afraid she'll judge me and take Harry's side. They've known each other longer after all.

She's the only one whose been with me the past few days of hell on earth. She's the only one who stood by me and talked to me even when I couldn't reply, she kept talking, gave me apdates on her day in school. She's a true friend.

"I'm scared." She admits.

"Talk to Styles. You'll feel better. He's going crazy with the silent treatment you're giving him. It's clear to everyone that you need each other."

I want to laugh because that's not why I can't talk Harry. The guilt of knowing I betrayed him keep me away.

"I told him that you saw him coming out of that room. That's why he stayed away because I told him you need space." She explains. I'm glad he stayed away. I'm grateful Alora told him.

"Thank you." I sincerely say. For the first time I feel like I can trust her. For the first time I speak clearly.

Alora smile at me. Her smile is bright as the morning rays. I  force a smile. She hugs me tight. I didn't know much I missed human warmth.  I missed the comfort another person brings.