Mistakes I Made | The Walking Dead

Part 47

I was confused and... angry, I just— I didn't know what to say or do or... I don't get it.
This was supposed to be the end and the start of something new and now it's just... what? What's supposed to happen from here? What was Rick's big plan? Because honestly, I can't see it.

The ride back to Hilltop was silent and I didn't expect it to be anything else. I'm sure we were all some level of stunned, but it didn't seem like anyone was willing to speak up about it— no one but me anyway.

And as all the cars came to a stop, one by one, I got out and started seeking the man who was a new addition to the list of many men who were causing me to live in a hell that no one deserved.
For a moment I questioned to myself whether or not I was overreacting, and I almost let out a laugh. Negan shouldn't have been saved— he doesn't deserve to be saved.

I weaved through people who were slowly scattering back to where they felt safe— somewhere they could process this day, and if I wasn't back in this hellbent mindset, I'd probably be doing the same thing. But I couldn't.

Skin collided with skin as my fist met Rick's jaw, sending his already weakened frame stumbling to the side.

"How dare you!" I screamed at the man in front of me as I was quickly subdued in someone's grasp, "How dare you keep a monster alive after you promised so much— after you begged me to stay when all of this was over! After everything he's done! After the people he's killed! How dare you!"

"Tara, let her go." Rick spoke over me, his hand cradling the side of his face as I was hesitantly released from her grasp, "It's ok-"

"I looked up to you and you're a joke— you're nothing!" I spit, my voice hoarse and strained, drawing a small crowd, "I should've believe Negan when he said you didn't have it in you— that you could never kill him because he was right!"

No one spoke up in support, but no one spoke to his defense either, leaving the world around us silent as he took the verbal beating.

"I did what I did because there has to be something after-"

"Bullshit." I stopped him, eyes locked, "You had the chance to make all of this right— to give closure to the people he's hurt, but you didn't because you're selfish!"

"I know this is hard— it's going to be for awhile and I'm sorry-" Rick began.

"No, you're not..." I scoffed lightly, shaking my head, "You're weak." I spoke, retrieving my knife from its sheath, "So I'll do it myself-"

"Hey, hey, hey- woah!" Voices echoed before I was quickly subdued.

"Ok, let's just all take the rest of the day to process and get people where they need to be going." Michonne spoke up, taming the masses that had come to see the show, "Please find myself or Maggie if any of you need to take up a matter of your own."

"You should've left me to die out there and spared me this nightmare." I spit, nearly getting dragged away from the scene in Daryl's grasp.

"C'mon." He spoke lowly as I finally gave in to his lead.

But as we neared Daryl's trailer and away from the hoard of people, the adrenaline that was fueling my rage began to slowly wear off, and everything was only hurting more— mind and body.
I was seeing Rick in a completely different way and it sucked, because seeing someone do something so wrong when all you believed they could do was right... was earth shattering. Over the years that man had become someone I saw as a father figure— the type of father figure I thought I always wanted but he turned out just like the last.
I just wish I knew why— why was keeping an evil man alive such a priority to him and why couldn't I see it?

Breaking out of Daryl's grasp, I roughly ran my hands over my face and through my hair, trying to get my mind away from these distraught thoughts.

"What're ya gonna do?" Daryl asked, seeing where my head was at as I woefully stared back to the large brick building in the distance.

"I don't know." I mouthed, sound barely escaping my lips as I shook my head.

He nodded, his stare going from me to the ground beneath us, "Ya ain't wrong— he shouldn't be alive."

"We could kill him." I spoke lowly, my words breathy and desperate, "Tonight— we could, just me and you."

"I know." Daryl nodded again, "I thought 'bout it, too."

"So then let's-"

His clear minded words stopped my clouded ones before I could finish, "But we ain't."

I let out a defeated sigh, but I understood where he was coming from. I was just so angry and feeling so betrayed that my want— my need for a final crescendo was overtaking any form of logical reasoning. Even if I did find a way and actually go through with it, it would probably end up causing more harm than good.
But that didn't mean I wasn't still upset or that I was carrying any regret for the words I spoke, because they were all true. I meant every last one and I hope it keeps him up at night because I know I won't be getting any rest either, not with Negan still around.

"Yeah- yeah, I know." I shook my head, my arms now crossed as my mind seemed to leave the conversation and disconnect from the world.

"I'm sorry, Liz." Daryl mumbled, even though I knew he was going through his own set of frustrations with the situation.

I gave him a small, teary eyed smile, one he had definitely seen before, "I know." I mouthed, again my voice giving out on me, from damage or emotion, I wasn't quite sure, "I'm gonna- I just wanna be alone for a little, I think."

He simply nodded, and that was probably one of the best parts about the relationship Daryl and I had— knowing when the other needed space and knowing when they really didn't, even when saying otherwise. But right now was definitely one of those times when we both needed a minute to take a breather and come back to reality.

***

I laid awake for the majority of the time I had locked myself away in Daryl's trailer, which wasn't too long, an hour, maybe a bit more, but it was enough.
I was just struggling with how I was going to move on from this when the majority of my plans were revolving around the fact that Negan would be gone. Sure, I imagine Rick has some sort of plan to keep Negan locked away, probably back at Alexandria in the one cell that's there, but Negan is smart. We've learned that time and time again and I just don't think it's worth it to test our luck when it really feels like we've used it all up by now.
But obviously, that's not my choice.

As the time was passing, the affects of today's events had began showing themselves, and now I was feeling like the weak one. You'd think after fractured ribs, a sprained wrist, concussions, getting shot, and whatever else I'm missing, I'd have worked up a higher pain tolerance, but things only seemed to hurt worse now. It's like the more your body gets damaged, the faster it deteriorates and I was really feeling it.

I pushed myself off of the mattress, taking a deep breath and preparing myself for whoever or whatever I'd come in contact with when I'd leave the safety of this space.
And as much as I hated being poked and prodded by doctors, that was the exact trailer I was headed to.

***

My mouth felt so dry. When was the last time I drank water?

I knocked quickly on the door of the medical trailer, not wasting anytime before pulling it open because I honestly didn't think Sidiq was going to be in it— not when I'm sure he's busy giving Negan five star treatment at the request of our leader. I was pretty sure I could just scrounge through the medication we had, I mean, at this point I knew the name of enough painkillers to start my own pharmacy.

But to my surprise, the trailer held three individuals.

_____
I wasn't originally planning on stopping this chapter here, but I really want to know who you guys think are the 3 in the trailer...

Also, how do you feel about Liz lashing out at Rick? Is it justified or does she need to take a step back?

I'm curious to see your point of view