Mistakes I Made | The Walking Dead

Part 7

I didn't know how bad I was truly hurting until this exact moment, and it hurt even more to realize how broken I'd become.
Every single thing about Daryl was so different from Negan-- his smell, his feel, the way he held me closer with each move I made, even the rhythmic beating of his heart.

I felt my hand begin to ache as the pain brought me out of my daze, unclenching my fist that had gripped onto the material of Daryl's shirt, almost like I was subconsciously afraid that we'd be separated again.
As the material fell from my shaky hand, it was immediately replaced with Daryl's hand, his fingers intertwining with mine as emotion hitched in my throat.

"I ain't gon' leave ya." Daryl's raspy voice murmured, breaking the near silence that the room held.

"Please don't- don't promise that.." I weakly breathed out, feeling as tears began to fall across my face.

"Hey," he mumbled, nudging me as I lifted my head, shadows covering the room as I tried wiping away my tears, "Don't keep pushin' me away-- ya ain't gotta."

I couldn't find the words to express what I was feeling, mainly because I was feeling things that I never prepared for; so many different thoughts and emotions filling my head, overwhelming me.

"I'm sorry." My voice let out as I pulled away from him, getting out of the bed and rushing out the door.

I couldn't let myself get close to Daryl again-- I couldn't for the both of us. Not only did we not deserve each other, but if we were going after the Saviors like Rick planned, I knew it was going to be a death sentence for at least one of us.. and no one deserves to feel that pain.

I just wanted to be alone again-- away in a different room where I could pretend like all of my thoughts and fears were valid without a worry of what the future held.

As tears clouded my vision, I grasped the handle of another bedroom door, knowing it was free as it was the one I had stayed in with Carl and Tara, before a hand covered mine, quickly slamming the door shut again front of me.

"Liz-" Daryl's voice murmured before my, more frantic voice, cut him off.

"Please, please just-" I mindlessly whined as I insistently tried to open the door again, just wanting to get away from my problems.

"Hey- hey, stop-" Daryl hushed, turning me toward him as he grabbed my arms.

I desperately fought against him, my hands pushing and banging against his chest as I stayed stuck in an exhaustion induced, panic ridden state.

My fight soon died out as my pleads to be released turned in sobs of defeat, collapsing into his chest as he held me close.

***

I felt as my eyelids began to get heavy, the hallway we sat in becoming blurrier with each tired blink that pulled on my tear stained cheeks. Daryl's arms stayed firmly wrapped around me as my breathing matched with each time his chest rose and fell, lulling my stressed mind.

I didn't know what to do.

I wanted nothing more than to go back to how everything was before-- to when I wasn't afraid of tomorrow and when being in Daryl's arms meant that nothing could touch me, but no matter how I imagine this war turning out, I knew that the life I was once so grateful to have.. was no longer mine to live anymore.

Everything was different now.

King Ezekiel said to find a new light hidden in my problems-- rebuild from the mess that was made, and that's exactly what I planned to do.
I was finally going to be able to give back to the people who gave me so much, one way or another. I'll do whatever it takes, in whatever way possible, to aid in ending Negan and the Saviors.. the people who ended it all for me.

And if blood on our side had to be shed, I hope it's mine.

***

My eyes slowly opened as light from the window shined in, illuminating the once dark room.
I groaned, turning over as the opening of the bedroom door made me realize my pounding headache; surly brought on from my night of hysterics.

"Let me know when ya ready to head out." Daryl murmured from behind me as he placed items on the nightstand.

I turned back over as he left the room, his scent still on the pillow from the night before as I was filled with a feeling I couldn't really explain. It wasn't sadness or fear, it wasn't even dread, it was just.. nothing. Numbness may be the best way to describe it but it still felt far off, and as much as I didn't like it, I could tell it was going to be something I had to get used to.

It felt weird knowing that your life was going to change and it felt even weirder trying to plan it out, especially when you knew that you were probably planning the end of it.

_____
I don't know if any of you saw this coming, but I didn't until like two weeks ago tbh

I wanted to write this chapter a little different from the past ones so that you could really feel what Liz is going through.
The lines:
I didn't know what to do.
Everything was different now.
And if blood on our side had to be shed, I hope it's mine.
Were singled out because they are the words that are repetitively playing in Liz's mind, and they can be read as one complete sentence that will play heavily throughout this book.