Mistakes I Made | The Walking Dead

Part 34

Still alone, now sat on the floor against a wall in the room, I felt a mixture of frustration and disbelief as Negan continued his speech out in the hall.

Every single time I think it can't get worse, it does, and every single time I think we have an edge against Negan and the Saviors, we don't. You'd think the pattern would be seared into my brain my now but it's not... because Negan knows exactly what he's doing, even when it's your own plan.

I was done playing his game like I was afraid to lose, because I'm not anymore; if the price is my life, then I'm all in... more than I've ever been.

Before Alexandria, before Virginia, and before the last group I was in, I was someone I hated.. but I was someone who stayed alive and got the job done, and that's who I have to be again.
Who I was before was the reason why I knew I never deserved Daryl, and why Negan felt so familiar and inviting. But Daryl, Alexandria, and being absolutely broken down by my last group— people I thought I could trust, all of it softened me to a point that I didn't think I'd ever be able to come back from, but it turns out I was wrong... and a wolf in sheeps clothing has to unveil itself to the world at some point.

"You see, we gotta figure out how all of this could've happened how it happened." I listened as Negan continued his speech, dropping the shard of wood I had tightly gripped in my right hand to the ground before struggling to push myself up, "And then, well, we're gonna get back to doing what we have always done— we will save people."

If I really had nothing left to lose, if this was it, then now was the perfect time to test that theory and see how far it would take me.

"Thank you, Negan," A woman spoke, admiration coating her tone as I neared the doorway, still out of view of those who were just outside it, "Thank god for you."

"Shit." Simon mumbled as I stepped out, quickly rising to his feet along with nearby Saviors before Negan stopped them.

"Ohho.. stand down, gentleman." He instructed, a slight smirk being seen creep it's way onto his face over the herd of kneeled Saviors, "Speak of the devil herself."

I locked eyes with Simon as I watched him reluctantly kneel once more at the order of his superior, his face being a scar in my memory.
Negan waited for my next move as I turned back, seeing the faces of unfamiliar, concerned workers that stayed frozen in their submissive position.

"Move." I mouthed, my body seeming to finally react to the trauma I put it through to get out of my restraints. Those who say kneeled between us quickly shuffled backwards, a path soon being paved as I made my way through, breathing through each sobbing ache.

"Damn darling, you look like you've been through hell and back since I've been gone." Negan taunted, my stare stuck on him as I only briefly acknowledge Father Gabriel's presence, "Hell, I've gotta say, I'm surprised you're still alive after the shit you pulled."

I stayed silent under his gaze, knowing that any attempts I could possibly make would get me nowhere if done in front of his people, especially in my current condition, where I felt my legs getting weaker and weaker by the second.

Unfazed, with a harsh stare that stuck on my battered frame, Negan dismissed his people, "I want everyone back to work while we figure out how to dig ourselves out of this shit storm." He continued, looking past me to where Dwight and Simon stood, "I'll take her from here."

With that, everyone stood to their feet as Negan gripped my arm, dragging me beside him without another word.

It felt like only seconds passed before everything went dark.

***

"I have to be honest, I'm surprised she's made it this long."

***

"If it comes down to it, right now, we don't have what we'd need to save her."

***

I squeezed my eyes shut, my head pounding as I shifted uncomfortably where I laid. I felt my skin sticking to the sheets beneath me, feeling like a thousand degrees while my body throbbed with each heartbeat, confirming that I was still alive, but causing me to question if I wanted to be.

When I finally took in my surroundings, I was shocked by the familiar feeling that washed over me, nearly numbing the pain, before it all came crashing back.

"You are dancing with death, darling." Negan hummed, stepping out from the bathroom through its broken doorframe, "Nearly gave me a heart attack— a couple actually."

A painful whimper stuck in my throat as I tried to push myself off the bed, causing my stomach to churn.

"Don't get up." Negan muttered, walking over to the dresser and rummaging through it before my stubborn, weakened frame crumpled beneath me as soon as my feet hit the floor, "God damnit!" He swore between my own swears, rushing over as he pushed me up so I was leaning back against the bed frame, "Send Dr. Carson back over here." Negan spoke into the walkie-talkie, stepping back.

Resting my head between my knees, I desperately tried focusing on my own breathing— anything to get my mind off the pain that was taking over my entire body.

"You were supposed to die." I let out, my voice hoarse and strained as I pulled my head back up, "And then it could all be over." I swallowed harshly, watching Negan as he stared down at me, listening, "All of it."

He broke our gaze, looking down at the floor before grabbing the water off the nightstand and holding it out to me, "Well I'm sorry I couldn't do that for you."