Mistakes I Made | The Walking Dead

Part 18

The stare I held with Tara was the same stare we shared back at Ocean Side, only this one had something else behind it-- something that I wasn't proud of but that I didn't regret.
This plan had layers behind it, and if I could break the relationship I had with everyone here, however I had to do it, I knew that it would make leaving that much easier. But truth is, as desperate as I was to end what's going on with the Saviors, I don't think I could ever hurt any of these people.. not after what they've done for me, but that doesn't mean that they have to know that.

I let out a slow breath as Daryl lowered his knife, the gun in my hand beginning to tremble as I swallowed hard, the look Tara's eyes held confirming that there was no coming back from this.
I turned as Rick snatched his gun from my hand, my eyes glossy as they struggled to focus on a single spot in the room-- too afraid to look into the eyes of those who I feel I betrayed.
Tugging at my side pulled me out of my trance like state as Michonne pulled my knife out of its hostler, handing it off to Rick as I slowly nodded, biting at the inside of my cheek.
My eyes found Dwight's as I swallowed down any emotion that was threatening to break through, "Dont make me regret it." I breathed numbly.

"They have Sasha.. if she's even alive." Rosita spoke up, breaking the tension in the room.

"Why didn't you say something?" Jesus asked, "He could be our only chance to get her back."

"Because I don't trust him," she shook her head, momentarily glancing at me, "But I trust Daryl."

I bit at the inside of my cheek again at the snide remark, fully knowing that I no longer deserved anyone's trust, but never thinking about how much it would hurt or how fast it would go.

"Negan's coming soon." Dwight spoke, catching all of our attention again as my stomach began to tie in knots, "Tomorrow-- three trucks probably, twenty Saviors and him." He explained, "I can slow them down, bring some trees down in the road, buy a little time for you guys to get ready. If you can take them out, that's where we start; you kill them, I'll radio back to the Sanctuary and say everything's ok. You drive the trucks back and I can lead you right inside, and with the right plan, we can wipe out the rest." He continued, his plan sounding easier than anyone would have hoped, "We'll check to see if your friend's still alive and then we get the workers on our side, build our numbers up, and go from outpost to outpost and end this."

Rick pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, slowly nodding, "Keep talking."

Dwight swallowed hard before looking over at me, "Negan's pissed about what happened-"

"Let him be." Daryl murmured harshly, cutting him off as he lit a cigarette.

"Will he kill her?" Rick asked, his tone cold as Dwight, along with everyone else, shot him a confused look, "If something goes wrong and he takes her again-- will he kill her-"

"She ain't goin' back-" Daryl spit, cutting him off.

"Daryl-" I tried hushing, wanting to hear an answer to a question I was honestly afraid of.

"Ya ain't-" He repeated, his tone filled with frustration as I pulled away from his reach.

"He doesn't want her dead." Dwight said, stopping all of us, "Negan knows you're both here-- or somewhere close, and getting Liz back is high on his priority list."

I let out a quiet breath, nodding as I processed the information, "And Daryl?" I hesitantly asked.

"Asshole's wanted me dead since day one." Daryl mumbled, taking another drag.

Dwight nodded slowly, forming his lips into a tight line as he gestured over to me, "But only if Liz is there to see it."

"What?" I asked breathlessly, my eyebrows furrowed.

"He wants Daryl dead-- there's no doubt about it," Dwight elaborated, "But he made it clear to all of us that he wants you there when it happens."

I swallowed harshly as I felt emotions build in my throat again, feeling like the nightmare I had could actually become a reality, only this time, Daryl wouldn't be there to comfort me when it's all over.

"That's not going to happen though." Michonne reassured, her voice ringing in my ears as I felt the wall I had tried so desperately to keep up, begin to crumble at my feet.

"Michonne's right," Rick nodded, "With Dwight's help we're going to end Negan and the Saviors once and for all, then everyone can go back to how it was before-- Hilltop, Kingdom, Alexandria."

"Not everyone." Tara's voice said from behind me as I glanced back, seeing both hers and Rosita's harsh stares.

I bit at the inside of my cheek as I felt, once again, the near immediate consequences of my actions before I mindlessly pulled away from Daryl's reaching grasp once more, turning and pushing through the rest of the group and out the door.

I can't explain how much it hurt to see the people you care about slowly turn on you, even knowing that I brought it all on myself and that this is exactly what needed to happen. It almost felt like I was losing the only thing I ever knew-- I was losing home and it's all my fault.
But if this war was going to happen tomorrow, then so be it, because either way, I've already dug my grave.

_____
Liz is falling down a deep hole

Do you think she'll be able to make it out?