Mistakes I Made | The Walking Dead

Part 43

I wanted to tell him that I'd take it all back— every second of it and every mistake. I'd relive a thousand lifetimes if it meant that we could spend a single one together without all the hell that has come with it this go round.
I wish I could go back in time and leave with him that day he found me at the diner after I left Alexandria. Just to skip all of this and be somewhere else with him right now... living a reality that wasn't this one.
But it wasn't the time, and in all seriousness, I don't know if he feels the same, not anymore at least. I put him through too much— Negan put him through too much, but so have I.
Ive said it before and I'll say it until I take my last breath, Daryl deserves everything good the world has to offer, and it hurts to know that I'm partially to blame for him getting the exact opposite.

But all that mattered now, was that he was still at the Hilltop.

***

The majority of everyone here had come to agree on sleeping in the main house being the safest option as of right now, and I was one of them. The Hilltop was safe, but nothing can be 100% secure anymore, especially when there are people out there determined on ruining your day, to put it lightly.

People were scattered across the floor in every room, making the term claustrophobic seem like an understatement for what I was feeling right now.

After tiptoeing around huddled bodies, I was finally able to slip out the front door to get some much needed fresh air.

I pushed my hair back, letting out a long sigh as I tried to clear my mind from everything that's been filling it, but that was much easier said than done.
Every now and then I think back to before all of this happened— before everything, when I thought a fight with my friend or parents was the worst thing that could happen. It seems like that was a completely different lifetime or just some other world, which I guess it kind of was. I can't imagine what would happened if everything suddenly went back to how it used to be— how we'd all react and try to integrate ourselves back into a normal lifestyle. Speaking for myself, I don't know if I'd be able to.

"Liz." Rick's hoarse voice called from where he sat behind one of the tall white pillars.

Now out of my daze, I walked his way, being reminded once again what had happened just days prior, before taking a seat beside him.
For a minute, we just sat in silence.

"Are you doing ok?" He finally asked, glancing in my direction.

"Are you?" I questioned back, feeling like neither of us could be truly ok right now.

He nodded lightly, "I will be."

"Yeah," I breathed, looking out into the dimly lit surroundings, "Me too."

I don't think I had talked to Rick since he showed up at the Sanctuary and even then, it was under such strained circumstances. But since then, it's felt like we've both been on opposite sides of the world, with him seeming to have a mission of his own and me just trying to get back on my feet.

"When you were at the Sanctuary-"

"Thank you," I stopped him as he looked back my way, "For listening to me."

Again, he nodded, "I didn't want to."

"I know," I reassured, "But I'm glad you did."

He let out a long sigh, briefly running his fingers over his forehead before looking back out into the shadowed landscape, "So what's your plan from here?"

I shrugged, readjusting where I sat, "I'm not leaving till it's over— I can't." I explained, "But then, after Negan and the Saviors are gone, there won't be anything outside the walls for me to be afraid of."

"Bad people are everywhere, Liz." Rick tried reminding, leaning back slightly as he gestured around us, "Just because we get rid of the Saviors doesn't mean there won't still be threats out there."

"Yeah but in comparison?" I lightly scoffed, "Rick... look at me— look what's happened to me." I pointed out, the physical and emotional damage being clearly visible, "If you're saying there's something out there that can put me through more hell than I've already been through then... I'm just going to finally take the hint that the world has been shoving down our throats since day one."

"Liz-"

"You know I appreciate every single thing you've done for me but I can't stay in a place with people who I've done wrong." I stopped his protesting, "It's not good for anyone."

Rick didn't seem to have the energy left in himself to argue this topic once again, so he just let out a defeated sigh instead, "Ok."

"I'm gonna be ok." I breathed.

"I know."

Silence soon overtook the space around us once more, but it was comfortable— almost comforting in a way.
Rick really felt like a dad to me, which was kind of hard to admit considering my relationship with my actual dad was... bad, to say the least. But having a parental figure in your life that cared about you and only wanted what they believed was best for you, it changes you... so much.

"I uh-" Rick began, reaching into his back pocket as he pulled out a folded piece of paper, "Carl wrote letters... he uh- he wrote one for you."

My eyebrows furrowed for only a second before they fell soft, staring at what Rick was holding out to me. I felt frozen in the moment, not really knowing how to respond because I was afraid that if I opened my mouth I wouldn't be able to hide the cracks in my voice.

Neither of us spoke as I took what I knew I'd cherish for a lifetime, but instead we shared a glance and a heartbroken, pain filled smile.

_____
I've always really loved Rick and Liz's relationship and how they interact with each other.

Are there any people you want to see Liz around/interact with more?