Montana Skies

Chapter 14. Take It To The Grave

I stared up at him and waited for an answer to come, but it didn't. "Forget it," I huffed. I tried to move away from him, but he stopped me.

"I love you, Dallas," River said.

"Right," I snorted. "And you don't want to hurt me, right? I know that you don't feel that way for me. I don't expect anything to come out of it, just like it didn't before."

"I didn't mean that I love you like you're my best friend. I mean, you are, and I do," River said.

I tried to move away from him again as tears built in my eyes.

"I meant that I'm in love with you, Dallas. Yeah, you are my best friend, but I love you in more than one way," River said. He held onto me tightly so I couldn't move.

Who am I? "W-what?" I squeaked. A plane could have crashed through my house, and I wouldn't have noticed.

River sighed.

"N-no, you're not," I argued. I shook my head.

"Yes, I am," he argued. "I have been for...I'm not even sure how long. Since I knew what love was, I guess. I made dumb decisions and hurt you in the process. Then that one night, I fucking slipped. I kissed you, and it was like I didn't even know how to stop."

"Why are you telling me this now?" I spat. "Why not then?" My teeth ground together.

"At first, I wasn't sure you liked me that way, and I didn't want to lose you. When you kissed me back that night was when I realized that you did. I lied to you because I wanted you to go to California. I wanted you to do what you wanted to do without me getting in the way. You needed to see the world, and God knows that I needed time to grow the fuck up. I figured if you knew how I felt about you that you might not go. The accident happened, and after that, I really didn't know how to tell you. I nearly got you killed. I killed one of my friends. I mean, who the fuck would want someone as screwed up as me? I don't deserve something as amazing as you. I've done nothing but make one mistake after another..." River trailed off.

"You said it was a mistake," I argued.

"And you agreed to it," he challenged.

"I–" I stopped. He has a point. "Well, what did you expect me to do?"

"Go to Los Angeles, which you did," he said. "Then you came home, and you brought Lyle with you. I can't even begin to tell you how angry I was with myself. To find out that you met that guy. That he hurt you–" River gritted his teeth and looked away. He sat down, cross-legged on my bed.

I sat up and scooted closer to him. My head swam at his words. "But all of those other girls–"

"Meant absolutely fucking nothing. I was still young yet. I didn't realize right away what it was about you. The older we got, the stronger the feelings got. It scared the hell out of me that I was in love with the girl that was actually my best friend. I denied it for as long as I could. When you came home, I tried to fight it. You deserve better, and I know that, but I'm so fucking tired of fighting it..." River trailed off.

"Really?" I asked in disbelief.

River pulled me into his lap. "Really."

It took me a long moment to process everything he said. "I don't even know what to say. What about Lyle? What about everything that I went through? All of it was for nothing? I could have had you the entire time and–" River had cut me off by pressing his lips to mine. One of his hands intertwined in my hair.