Reality in Motion

just in case

A lot had happened since the day he pulled Captain America, Steve, from the river. The Potomac. Washington D.C. The day he turned his back on what he believed was the only world he ever knew. A world where he existed only to be used and abused. The day he started to realize who he was, what he had been made into, what he had done - and what he hadn't done.

In coming to terms with the life he had unknowingly, unwillingly, lived for the past seventy years, he found out more than he could've ever possibly guessed. Seventy years. A length of time he had a rough time wrapping his head around. How could he have possibly lived for seventy years without realizing it? And he was still the same age he had last known himself to be.

It almost became like the stages of grief, but if only for the life that had been taken from him.

First there was the confusion: how had he ended up where he was, why had he done these terrible things, who had done this to him? Which led him to discovering what exactly had happened to him, and how he had ended up becoming the monster he was. The Smithsoian. Captain America. Steve Rogers. Best friend. The only Howling Commando to give his life for Captain America. Steve. Had he given his life if he was still alive? Yes. No. Maybe. Hydra took his life. Made him a new one. Fist of Hydra.

There were two lives he had lived - and now he was currently living a third. The first was when he was the Man. The boy. The one with a duty to serve his country. The second was when he was the Asset. The monster. The one with a duty to serve the cause. The two lives still existed inside of him, struggling for dominance. He wasn't sure which one was winning. Back in his body, but stuck in his head. While it felt like the Man had the most control, the Asset lingered, nipping at the back of his mind, encouraging him to do things, reminding him of what he had done - what he was good at.

For the past seventy years, all he had known was violence. All he had known was destruction and chaos and pain. So much pain. All at the hands of some very specific people. Those he would never forget, no matter how much he tried. Giving in a bit to the Asset, he made sure they didn't forget him either. They wanted a monster after all. Fist of Hydra.

While he had been intent on destroying the lives of those who had destroyed his, it was only a short term solution. That, and the longer he went on, the riskier it became. Someone would notice. Someone would find him. He'd lose his freedom. He never had freedom before. Or at least, he couldn't remember the last time he had. He didn't want to cause any more harm. Not even to people who deserved it. The Man reminded him of that. Devil and Angel on his shoulder. Each vying for control. He had to find a middle ground. Had to find himself again. Or whatever version of himself he could be in this time, after everything.

It was the woman he saved. The woman who looked like his younger sister, but wasn't his younger sister. Rebecca. Curls and short skirts that made their mother tsk. Not Rebecca. Barely standing on her own. The logical part of his brain reminded him every time that that wasn't possible. It was just a weird coincidence. Though it was enough to shake him from whatever stage he was in at that point. Remind him that he had the opportunity to be someone different. Himself again. Or as close as he could get to the Man he was before.

A lot had happened after he saved the woman. He wasn't sure why he chose Bucharest, Romania. There were plenty of places in the world he could go. But there were also plenty of places he couldn't go. Either out of fear of being found out or because there was a past life he couldn't go back to. Bucharest was the in between. Busy, but not too busy. Big enough that he could blend in, small enough where he wasn't overwhelmed. Not very quiet, but not very loud either, which was okay. Quiet meant there was something wrong.