Reality in Motion

move forward

"...You should be proud of yourself, Peggy." he finished his thought, eyes traveling over the pictures that were set up on her nightstand. They documented her life after him: from marriage, to children to grandchildren and everything in between. She looked happy and beautiful and full of love.

During his previous visits, he never spent time looking at the photos; they made a tinge of regret shoot through his heart. If he hadn't crashed that plane...maybe he would've been in those pictures too. Now, there was no regret, but instead there was almost jealousy. He wasn't sure if he would ever have picture frames filled with photos of his family or ones involving such joy as hers were.

"I have lived a life." Peggy hummed in agreement. His eyes shifted from the photos to where she was propped up against her pillows. Although she had aged since the photos were taken, she looked just as beautiful as ever. Her eyes were sharp and she was just as much herself than other days he had seen her. She moved her head so that she could meet his eye, "My only regret is that you didn't get to live yours." she gave him a sad smile. He tried to laugh, letting his head roll back as he looked away from her.

"I'm living my life right now, Peg." she tsked at his comment, not believing him.

"This is not the life you should be living." she said seriously, "Visiting an old woman in a nursing home or spending your days in the past while at a museum..." she trailed off as he looked back at her, "You need to find someone." she said matter of factly. He raised his eyebrows at her, "Someone you can experience everything you've missed out on with." she looked back at her picture frames on her nightstand, "So you can have just as many pictures." her gaze returned to him. He wondered if she knew about his feelings toward Q or if she was just speaking from the heart.

"You'd be okay with that?" he asked, curious to see her reaction. They had never spoken about his future before - the one without her. He didn't want to upset her. Instead, she laughed at him, almost like his question was ridiculous.

"Steve, our time...our chance has passed." she said, reaching for his hand, "And while I will be forever grateful of what we had and will cherish it just as long, it's time you move forward." she said encouragingly. A small weight lifted off his shoulders. The guilt that came every time he thought about Q in a romantic fashion disappeared. Peggy was giving him her permission - no, her blessing, for him to move forward and saying it was okay for him to have feelings for someone else. He couldn't be more grateful.

Giving her a small smile, he squeezed her hand firmly before letting go and sitting back in his seat. His eyes fell from Peggy's, looking at where his thumb was rubbing against his palm. The thought of Q reminded him of the op he had just finished; Q linked back to SHIELD and his op was a SHIELD op. The so called rescue mission on the Lemurian Star. Which then revealed that it was more than just a rescue mission, leading him to find out some unsavory details about Nat and the organization he was working for. Including learning about Project Insight.

"What is it?" she asked. He let out a heavy sigh at her question. It was a loaded one, that was for sure. He met her eyes again, seeing that she was looking at him both curiously and worriedly.

"For as long as I can remember, I just wanted to do what was right." he paused, "I guess I'm not quite sure what that is anymore." he admitted, knowing it related to more than one thing. Both what he found at SHIELD - causing him to reconsider everything he had done leading up to it, and his relationship with Q - how he had denied himself the chance to pursue one with her because of his self-imposed guilt. He hadn't gone about either of the situations in the right way, but he was talking more about the SHIELD part of it,

"And I thought I could throw myself back in and follow orders. Serve." he continued before pausing. He took in a breath and gave her a small smile, "It's just not the same." Peggy laughed, almost rolling her eyes at him,