Reality in Motion

a routine

He hadn't slept well. Actually, he wasn't even sure if he had really fell asleep. It felt like he had taken tiny naps until he got sick of lying in the bed, so he got up. The bed was firmer than the one he had in New York, but still softer than he was used to. He wouldn't give up on it so quick though; he figured all he needed to do was break it in.

But he couldn't just lie around anymore. There was energy flowing through his body - either nervous or regular energy, he wasn't sure. All he knew was that he needed to get rid of it. A part of him hoped that getting rid of it would tire him out, let him fall asleep on the mattress without being uncomfortable.

Steve dressed himself in the workout clothes he had pulled from the dresser drawer that seemed to be specifically for running and exercising. There were three different pairs of sneakers in his closet and he took a moment to study them before choosing a random pair. It wasn't surprising that they fit perfectly. Everything did.

As he walked to the door, he paused, noticing the SHIELD papers that lay semi scattered around the table. At the sight of them, reality came crashing back down. He wasn't on his own anymore, left to his own devices. He was once again a soldier. Maybe not in the traditional sense, but he had to follow orders. He couldn't just go out on his own. Agent Proctor needed to be with him.

He debated with himself for a moment; he wasn't sure when she was going to show up at his apartment. They never talked about the schedule for the second day - or any day really. He could go on his run and be reprimanded after the fact, then claim he didn't know. Cause technically, he didn't. But if she were to show up while he was out on his run, it could cause major problems for both of them. He would've disappeared and she would've gotten in trouble for letting him go. It was only the second day of really being SHIELD's asset and he already hated it.

He wasn't sure when his feelings towards SHIELD changed - maybe they had always been there, just under the surface. He had worked with the division to protect New York from aliens (which was still baffling to him) because he was under the impression that he knew what SHIELD was. They had helped him, defrosted him and brought him back to the world. After working hand in hand with them, side by side, he learned that he never really was side by side with them. Instead he was below them, someone they owned and could use. A soldier.

For a while, he did as they asked, thinking that it would be good to be close to SHIELD in case of another attack and work his way up. But he never did typical soldier things. He was used, again, for his Captain America name - the same way the senator used him all those years ago to sell bonds, but instead of bonds, he was filming public service announcements for high schools. He was a circus monkey once more.

The more he learned about SHIELD, the more he grew to hate it and started to distance himself from the division. It wasn't like he ever made any promises to them before. He was still his own person, even if he wasn't quite sure who he was without the uniform. Now, he was right back in the hands of the same people who turned him into a walking billboard. And this time, it was official.

Giving into his rebellious side, he decided to just go on his run and face the consequences later. It was always easier to ask for forgiveness than it was to ask for permission. He moved toward the door, opening it to find Agent Proctor standing on the other side, fist up and poised as if she was about to knock. Her eyes flicked up to meet his and a startled look came over her face, but disappeared as quickly as it appeared. He quickly took in her outfit, seeing that she was dressed in another dark pantsuit, but this time rubber soled shoes replaced her kitten heels. Her hair was pulled back in the same hairdo as it was the day before, but there were bags under her eyes from lack of sleep. The warm smile, the one that didn't quite reach her eyes, took its place as she greeted him.