Reality in Motion

like herself again

Natasha Romanoff tended not to weep over many things. She was Russian after all. Yet, just because she didn't weep, didn't mean she wasn't emotionless. She felt things. Like joy and happiness, loss and sadness, betrayal and anger. Maybe she just didn't outwardly show it the same way others did. She was trained not to after all.

Her training in the Red Room had prepared her for many things - especially how to deal with the sudden loss of someone you loved. A simple how to, really: don't love. People, places, things, even herself, all of that was temporary. All that mattered was successfully completing the mission.

As time went on, she stayed true to her trainings in the Red Room, until she couldn't any longer. Until Barton showed up, until SHIELD, until the Battle of New York...each time a bit more of her training being chipped away. Her skills were still intact, that physical training would never fade, but the messages and common themes of the Red Room and the KGB were being replaced with her own personal mantras instead. Almost like she was becoming a bit more human.

And allowing herself to love again. Platonically at first with people such as Clint and Steve, familial second with the Avengers themselves, then surprisingly, romantically. With someone she never thought would catch her off guard in that way. But he did. He treated her unlike anyone else who had treated her before, uncaring about who she was or what she did. All she was to him was an annoyance, just like everyone else.

At first, the way he acted toward her startled her. She immediately thought he was holding some sort of personal grudge. That she had done something to him or someone he loved without knowing it - she did a lot of shady things when she was in the KGB after all. Then she realized that, no, that's just how he acted with everyone. It was funny; most people feared her or kept their distance or hesitated when telling her she was doing something wrong. Not him. He couldn't care less about the supposed happenings if he were to talk back to her or get in her space. A welcome change.

Romantic love had never been on her mind when it came to him. Mostly because she was certain that, based on how he interacted with even his closest friend, he was incapable of the emotion just as she was. Though both found out that was a lie - maybe just a little too late.

"Where are you going?" Natasha asked, keeping her voice level, but still curious. He shrugged, his back to her, refusing to let her see his face. A smart move, but also a stupid giveaway that he was hiding something.

"Just on a trip." he responded casually, vaguely, "Need to get away from the city for a bit. Away from all these superheroes." he gestured around the room as if the superheroes he was referring to were standing with them in the bedroom, not scattered around the Tower.

"Let me come with you." she offered, "God knows I need to get out of here too." It was true. Even despite being with the Avengers now, she had burned up all her previous identities with the SHIELD leak. There was no running away anymore, relying on old names and lives. But maybe she could. Maybe she could make a new life. Maybe with him.

"No, no, you..." he trailed off, turning - finally, to go to the dresser to swipe off a few things: wallet, phone, keys, a USB port, "You have the Avengers stuff, remember?" he quickly glanced to her. She shrugged, tossing her hair over her shoulder,

"They don't need me as much as they need some of the others." she kept her voice light, but she thought it to be true. She didn't have super strength or could summon the power of lightening or even turn green when she got angry. She was just a spy for God's sake.

"You know that's not true." he fixed her with a serious look before shaking his head, "Listen, Nat, it's fine. You don't have to come with me or -"