FireFly

Chapter Thirteen

"She k-knows?" Evan stuttered.

"She knows." Connor confirmed.

The couple were in Evan's bedroom, Heidi was at work and they were watching a cheesy cartoon movie on Evan's laptop when Connor felt the need to tell the blonde about Zoe finding out about them.

"Is that a p-problem for y-you?" He asked, biting his lip and turning his head to look up at Connor.

"What? No!" The long haired boy exclaimed, "I thought it would be a problem for you!"

"Why?"

"Because," he sighed, struggling to find the right words, "I don't want people saying anything about us."

That was the most delicate way he could put it. What Connor really meant was "I'm a giant fuck up, I'm Connor Murphy, school shooter and you're Evan Hansen, you're good and I'm not and that means people are going to judge us and also judge you and I don't want that affecting our relationship."

Evan seemed to understand what he meant though, by the way he laced their fingers together and said, "I-I'm not ashamed of you." The amount of sincerity in his tone was enough to make Connor start sobbing there and then.

He smiled at his boyfriend and bent his head down to capture the blondes soft lips in his own. Evan responded immediately, turning himself around so that he was practically in Connor's lap. The movie was disregarded and still played lowly in the background, and this right here, was perfect.

Connor carefully flipped them over so that Evan was leaning against the pillows and the brunette was on top, slowly leaving a trail of kisses down the blondes neck.

Evan made a desperate, whining sound as he tugged at Connor's hoodie. Connor stopped abruptly. This was the furthest they'd ever gone, Evan hadn't seen him without a top on yet. It... was not pretty. He had scars littering his arms, all the way up to his shoulders, some had turned a silver kind of colour, some still had dried blood on them.

It was embarrassing and it made him vulnerable and he wanted to be both of these things in front of Evan, he did! Because he trusts him, he just can't help wondering what the blonde will think of him when he sees.

"Don't stare." Connor whispered firmly, voice rough from kissing. Evan nodded slowly and watched as Connor took off his hoodie.

Evan didn't stare. He looked once, briefly, before looking back up and starring into Connor's blue/brown eyes instead. He wasn't stupid, he knew what was there and he knew that not looking didn't mean he could just pretend his boyfriend didn't hate himself.

Connor searched the blondes eyes for any hint of disgust or judgement but he couldn't find anything. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, maybe Evan had the most repelled expression on his face and Connor was too stupid to see it but right now he didn't care. Because right now he was looking at Evan like he was the only person in the world, because how lucky was he to have someone so incredible in his life? He didn't deserve Evan. He knew this. Everyone knew this. But what if they could just pretend?

"I want to see you." Connor said, softly. Evan didn't say anything, he pulled his boyfriend down for a small peck on the lips before taking off his own t shirt and Connor had to physically restrain himself before he ruined this moment because Jesus Christ Evan was beautiful.

Sharp hipbones, chest hair, a small and faint splattering of freckles around his shoulders and arms that looked like constellations.

"God," The long haired boy whispered, "You're so fucking perfect."

Evan smiled and reconnected their kiss, Connor nibbled at the blonde's lower lip and slid his tongue inside, they were exploring each other, getting to know one another and Evan was weaving his fingers through Connor's hair and it was making him crazy.

"Hey Hansen?" Connor began breathlessly, in between kisses.

Evan hummed in reply without breaking their kiss.

"I love you."

The blonde pulled away and the two boys panted to catch their breath, their foreheads were touching and their hands were still enclosed in each other's.

"Oh my g-god." Evan whispered, their faces were so close together Connor could feel his breath on his own face, "I love you t-too."

They smiled at each other and laughed breathlessly, wasting no time in getting back to exploring each other's mouths, Connor reconnected their lips as soon as Evan had uttered those four words.

"A-Are we really d-doing this?" Evan asked when Connor started kissing his neck again.

He paused, "Are you ready?"

The usually anxious boy didn't even hesitate before nodding, "With y-you? Yes."

Connor nodded as well, "Me too."

"I-I love you s-so much."

"God, I love you so fucking much."

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I'm not actually going to write a smut scene but you can use your imagination haha!

So this chapter ends with them having sex and they finally said I love you!!

Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Iris
Xoxo