love is confusing

filthy.

-Denki pov-

I need help. bruh. My thoughts are getting out of control. I feel like...I don't know. used to I felt like I wanted. now, it feels like a need. yeah, You know good and well what I'm talking about. I just, it makes me feel gross. well, more than gross. filthy. I can't stand it really. I shoulden't feel like this. I'm not talking about being gay, I'm talking about my awful smutty thoughts. no matter who it is, I'm almost 17. that is, only 17. like, seriously tho. I honestly wonder if he thinks the same things, or similar. I don't know. honestly, I don't know if I want to know. I just kinda want him to fuck me and move on. really tho. whyyyy. it feels like a dog in heat. like, I'm such a freaking bottom. and oh my gosh, he would be such a good top. being so close to him when we hug, when we sleep. ah! I just can't help but realize how perfectly our bodies fit together. I don't know if I like my little fantasies or not at this point. I'm just glad he hasn't noticed. or at least hasn't acted like it. I still love my job. well, our job. and everyday I think about how when we first started, a few months ago, she made that comment about not doing...that..at work and coulden't imagine actually doing that. now, thats all I want anymore. I feel like It would fix the problem if we just did. then maybe I could handle myself and my thoughts better. but its not like I can just go up to him and be like "hey, I'm horney and I'm a bottom, lets fuck." thats not..thats weird. I mean sure, I could ask him but I can't do it. I just can't make myself. soon I'll have too but, I can't. you know....maybe, just maybe...I might. no...I... I'll just wait.