love is confusing

autophobia

-denki pov-

(this is about a terrifing nightmare, is discriptive. not super important to the plot. read if you like, *trigger warning* skip u no like)

alone. forever. darkness, abuse, hate and...lonleyness. as I fall asleep, I drift off into a cold, isolated world. It's like a lucid dream except I can't wake up. an I can't choose what happens. I have autophobia, the fear of being alone. I can't stand it. all these years I thought I liked all these people, though, in the inside, I was only wanting human contact. human affection. love. I became so desprate for someone to help me never be alone again that I lost sight of what mattered most. loving them back. sero is the only person I've ever truly loved. or, really been able to love. my mom...I love her. but it hurts to. when you love someone and they don't love you, it makes the lonley days even more lonely. when sero hugs me, kisses me, cuddles me, any type of his affection or attention. I relize how long i've been wanting to be loved. I thought I wanted lots of friends, I thought I wanted to be well liked, I thought I wanted to just fuck girls and leave. but, I never took the time to relize, all I needed was one person to love. I have friends. Bakusquad. and, not very many people dislike me. something seems to just burn inside of me when sero gives me affection. I don't know if it's lust, love, comfort, happiness, need. I don't know. all I know is I don't want it to stop. I don't want us to stop, me and sero. I can't be alone. I can't. as Brendon Urie said, the lonely moments just get lonelyer the longer you're in love, than if you were alone. I want to wake up. I need to wake up. I hear a voice, cold and creepy. echoing from every corner of the gray-red tinted white room I'm in. It sounds like a child, then a man, then something un human. all at once. "Ki...you're not alone. you'll never be alone again. death. death is nice." said the child. "yes little boy do it, what you felt many years ago. but, you never carried it out, did you." the man said, creepily disapointed. I knew what he was talking about too. "get away! stop! go away! why are you here!? get away!"  I screamed and cried. a ominous tearing, giggling, screeching, and radio static noise filled the room. a figure appeared outside the door, knocking. "killl yourself! kill them! do it! do it and you'll die! ha ha ha! you'll di-ie!" It laughed creepily. something un human. "no! no! get up! wake up! leave me alone!!" I screamed clawing at the floor and dragging myself into a corner. more figures appeared,all shadowed in black. the first one had a smile, with bloody human teeth that we yellowed, skinny and uneven. many voices, children, women, men, demons were all creppily sing-song chanting "kill yourself! you're gonna di-ie! kill yourself! you're gonna di-ie!" it got louder and louder as they closed in on me as I screamed. then everything was white. I heard a noise that was the sound of when you die and your heartbeat stops on the machine in the hospital. then there was a creepy laugh. and a man's oddly terrifying voice. "no one loves you. love is a lie. sero hates you. everyone hates you kill yourself. kill yourself kill yourself! KILL YOURSELF!" then, blood splattered across my white vision and a ominous white noise filled my mind. "good jo-ob!" said a sing-song child's voice. I was shaken awake by sero. I started sobbing as I felt his embrace. I explained my dream. or, nightmare to him. I'm glad he's here