LOVE is BLIND (ON GOING)

40

"Shhh... I will not force you to tell me what's your problem. Just know that I'm here now. You will never face your problems alone anymore. I promise you that." Mom said.

Every Friday, nagpupunta ako sa Central Park. Nagbabaka-sakaling makita ko ulit siya. Ilang beses na ako nagpupunta dito pero still no sign of Lily. I'm going back to the Philippines tomorrow, ngayon yung last day ko dito sa New Zealand and I'm spending it here at Central Park again.

"Hay, where are you Lily?" I said to myself as I watch the people walk pass by me. I look creepy siguro kasi I've been looking at them straight in the face.

"Hey miss. What are you doing here alone?" I felt someone sat beside me. Sino to? He smells like shit. Alcohol.

"Leave me alone." I said pero ang totoo kinakabahan na ako. Bigla niya akong inakbayan.

"Shh. It's not good for a beautiful woman like you to be alone in this Friday night. Want to go to my place and chill?" Eww.

"No thanks. I would rather be alone than go with you." I said. I removed his arms around me and run. Mommy, help me.

But I was caught by him and he's trying to pull me back. "Baby, not so fast."

"Don't touch me!!! Help!!" Sumigaw ako pero parang wala silang pake. Wtf?! I'm being harassed here!

"Baby, let's go. Let's talk about this and-" Hindi niya natapos yung sasabihin niya when someone punch him.

"Wtf?! Who are you?" The guy was about to punch my saviour but he was to quick to punch him again.

"Okay ka lang?"

And I was wrong. My saviour's not a HE.

It was her.

My Lily.

"Li-Lily?" I said. Nanginginig pa din ako. Kita ko sa mukha ni Lily yung pag aalala. How I miss seeing her worried face.

Niyakap niya ako and then I lost it. I cried on her shoulder. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa takot kaya ako naiyak or dahil ba sa saya kasi nakita ko na siya. "Shh. I'm here. It's okay now. Let's go, I'll take you home."

Am I dreaming? Lily's here with me... and she saved my life. I suddenly forgot that I was harassed awhile ago.

She's holding my hand so tight that I think she's going to break my wrist.

"Lily..." tumingin siya sakin. Worried is still written on her face. "Thank you. And... I'm sorry."

She stopped. We stopped walking. Humarap siya sakin and she place her hand on my shoulder. "Don't do that again. Don't make me fucking worried. Bakit mo ba ako pinupuntahan dito? Why are you following me Jas? I'm trying to forget you alam mo ba yun?"

Gusto ko siya yakapin. I want to kiss her so bad right now kasi hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko.

"I want to see you, Lily. I want to see that you're okay. Ilang buwan kitang hinanap. And now that I finally saw you... I just don't want to let you go again."

Lily sighed. "Jas, akala mo ba nakalimutan ko na kung anong ginawa mo sakin? I should be mad at you. Fucking mad. But... I just can't. I'm mad at myself for not hating you, when I should. Jas, Gusto kita kalimutan pero hindi ko magawa. Bumabalik lahat ng ginawa mo sakin and it still hurts."

I saw how her tears starting to form on her eyes. I cup her face. "I'm so so sorry, Lily. I know you will never forgive me but I just want you to know that I love you. I always do. Hindi ko intensyon na saktan ka. Ginawa ko lang yun lahat para mapalapit sayo. At yung tungkol sa aksidente... Lily, I swear... pinalangin ko na sana ako nalang yung nabulag. Sana ako nalang yung nahirapan kasi mas masakit sa part ko na nakikita kong nahihirapan yung taong mahal ko ng dahil sakin... Lily, I want you back. Sobrang miserable na ng buhay ko ngayong wala kana sakin. Please... just... bumalik kana sakin."

I wasn't really expecting her to say yes. I just want her to know that I love her so much.

"I'm... I'm sorry. I don't think I can ever love you again, Jas."

And bam! She said it. Wala akong karapatan magalit kasi alam ko na ako ang may kasalanan pero tangina ang sakit.

"Pwede mo na ba akong palayain?" Lily asked.

No... Why is she asking me that?

"No. Lily, I can't. Hindi ko kaya. Why are you saying that? I will never give up on you." Sabi ko habang hawak hawak yung kamay niya. Naiyak na din ako kasi... pakiramdam ko eto na yung magiging last na pag uusap namin.

"Wag mo ng pahirapan yung sarili mo, Jas."

"Lily, No. Nasasaktan ka lang kaya mo sinasabi yan. I know you still love me, Lily. At kaya ko panghawakan yun kahit gaano pa katagal basta ba babalik ka sakin. Lily, I'll do everything to get you back." Konti nalang gusto ko na lumuhod sa harapan niya just to beg her to stay.

"Hindi na kita kayang mahalin, Jasmin."