30. The Monstrosity That Is Me

186 12 20
                                    

If you peeled me open like an onion,
Layer by translucent layer
And held me up to the light,
Would you like what you saw?

If you finally looked at the real me
Without heart shaped rose coloured glasses
And saw every sliver of my being
placed before you on a platter,
Would you still want me around?

I am afraid; I'm terrified
That if you turn me inside out,
And see the galaxies in my chest.
The darkness that I hide;
The truth behind the lies
And the face behind the face.

Your mind will be filled
With horror and disgust.

For when you take away all the layers and the lies,
All the sprinkles and the sparkles,
Artificially created flamboyance and
mismatched class-
There is not much left to love.

And how could you possibly love
The monstrosity that is me?

©Anneshiningstar2018

...
When I was younger I was bullied and didn't really have any friends. I think I didn't feel very likable.
At some point I started to make friends and people seemed to actually like me. I couldn't understand what they could possibly see in me and so I thought that it must be because they just didn't know me yet. I convinced myself that once they knew the real me they wouldn't want me around anymore. That was where this poem came from.
I never wanted to publish the poem while I still had those insecurities, but now that I've mostly worked through them I feel like I can share it.

Thanks to everyone that gave me advice about what I should do with this poem. 💕

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