Him, The Galaxy and The Darkness

Share My Everything

I want to switch bodies with you.

I want to share my skin with you.

I want to share my mind, my thoughts, my eyes, my voice, my fears, my joy, my happiness, my soul, my flesh, my blood and my bones, my intestines, my beating heart, my fingers and all my limbs with you... My anger and my violence.

I want to share my hurt with you.

I want you to be in my body around the time you left me, so you can feel how torn apart I was (and still am).

You would feel how my whole body wracked with movement and sound as I sobbed your name; Begging you to come back.

I need you to know these things; Everything I felt.

The hurt. The Missing you. The longing to be held again. The wondering... The wandering. The silence. The tears. The pain.

I thought I lost you for good.

I needed you.

I wanted to be held by you again, and for you to tell me that it was all a test or some kind of joke... If it was a joke, I didn't get it. If it was a test, did I pass?

I want you to think exactly what I was thinking when you left me.

"Did I mess something up?"

"Did I do something wrong?"

"Did he get tired of me?"

"Did he get bored of me?"

"I should've done more."

"I should have said 'I love you' more."

"Should I have left instead?" At the time I thought it would have hurt less if I had left you before you had the chance to leave me.

"Why did he leave me?"

"Was I not enough?"

"Why?"

"Is he even thinking about me?"

"He's not thinking about me... But what if he is?"

"Does he even miss me?"

"I wonder if he's happy by now...?"

"I wonder if he's met someone else?"

"Was he not happy with me?"

"Did I not make him happy?"

"Was I not enough to make him happy?"

"He doesn't have the time for me anymore."

"Did he leave because he thought it was best for him?"

"Did he leave because he thought it was best for me?"

"Maybe he will come back."

"Could he tell that I was insecure? Is that why he left? Because he knew?"

"I wonder if he's already forgot about me."

"He deserves to be happy, but what about me?"

""Does he EVER think about me?"

"Is he just as sad as I am?"

"Does he regret leaving me? Of course he doesn't."

"I'm stupid."

"I'm ugly."

"I'm too needy."

"Nobody wants me."

"Everyone else will leave, too."

"I hate men."

"I love him."

"I'm not going to cry in front of my family..."

"I said, I'm not going to cry!"

"Stop crying........."

"Nobody understands."

"I'm fat."

"I'm not attractive anymore."

"I'm too insecure to love someone again."

"No one will love me anyways... I'm just too insecure."

"Men are the enemy."

"I can't do this anymore."

"I'm not good enough."

"I'm not enough."

"I will be anything he wants me to be."

"I will be anything anyone wants me to be. It's the only way..."

"I will never be happy again."

"I don't deserve to be happy again."

"Everyone hates me."

"I'm always in the way.; an inconvenience."

"Everyone thinks that everything is okay; That I'm okay."

"No one will see me cry. If they do, they'll see that I'm weak."

"I can't do this anymore."

"If he doesn't want me, no one else will."

""Why not just end it here... ?"

"I'm too broken to ever feel anything but hurt."

"I feel like I'm dying."

"Am I dying?

"Like my heart is eating itself; Poisoning itself from the inside out." That poison, being you.

"Why couldn't he have just stayed?"

"Did he want me to beg him to stay?"

"I should've begged."

"What can I do to get him to come back to me?"

"Did I screw up that badly?"

"He hates me."

"I don't blame him... I would have left, too."

"It's okay... I hate me, too."

"It seems to be something we have in common."

"Another thing we seem to have in common, is the fact that you left me... I left me, too, so don't worry about it."

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(A short ranting with sadness, a little loneliness, a touch of tears, a dash of screaming, and a sprinkle of wandering around in the darkness of self hatred. Inspired by the infamous, him. xxx) Izzy