Hey, Celia? | ✔️

Chapter Nine

I'VE COME TO A CONCLUSION.

Oh no.

OH YES.

Is the conclusion that you really like leaving me on read?

NO THAT'S YOUR CONCLUSION! MY CONCLUSION IS MORE BRILLIANT.

Well, do share with the class. What's the brilliant conclusion that you've come to?

I will become Canadian. Like the Bacon. And Tim Hortons. Canadian through and through.

Sorry.

See, I just started the process of reforming my American ways!

Uh, that's stereotyping, for one. For two, you can't just become Canadian. And lastly, I don't see anything brilliant about that conclusion.

I will choose to ignore your comment about the lack of brilliance behind my conclusion. Also, I guess I was stereotyping. Sorry.

That time it was genuine! Ha! See? I'm a natural at this.

Lmao, you're nuts.

Jamie, this is serious.

Like Black?

Did you just... reference Harry Potter?

Um, I have no recollection of that.

Aww, oh my God, you did! Now I'm totally changing your contact name to 'Dobby'.

I regret ever saying anything.

Don't be ridikkulus, sweetums. You made the Wright decision.

Wright?

Ha! That's a pun because the inventor of the Golden Snitch was Bowman Wright.

Now I really regret ever saying a fucking thing. Jesus Christ.

Anyway, Dobby. Focus!

On what?

Not on what, on whom.

Okay, fine, on whom?

Me.

What about you?

Making me Canadian. Duh.

How do you expect me to help you with that kind of predicament?

Well, answer me a question first and foremost: why am I not already Canadian?

Because you were born in America and are currently living there?

Damn. You got me there.

Jamieeee, make me Canadian!

Um, salagadoola mechicka boola, bibbidi bobbidi... moose?

Hey! That's stereotyping my country.

...Canada isn't your country. And who are you to talk?

Well, it is now. I'm adopting it. Also, that's irrelevant.

You can't adopt a country, Celia.

Well, why not? Give me one good reason!

First of all, you're not a legal adult. And second of all, I could be wrong and man this is a totally wild guess, but I don't think you have the funds to feed and house an entire country.

You know, I think you might be right, sweetums.

You might be stubborn in admitting it, but you don't just think I'm right, you know I'm right.

Stop with the cockiness, Jamie. You are precisely why everyone, including I (an American) dislikes America.

...that and we're stupid.

Hey, speak for yourself! We're not all stupid.

I mentioned F. Scott Fitzgerald the other day and someone asked me where they could buy that type of alcohol because it sounded kickass.

DO YOU GET THAT, JAMIE?! THEY THOUGHT THE AUTHOR OF THE GREAT GATSBY WAS A TYPE OF ALCOHOL AND THEY ASKED A SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD WHERE TO BUY IT.

...point made.

Uh-huh. That's what I thought. Now, if I can't adopt Canada, make Canada adopt me.

You're so weird.

Do you always state the obvious, or is that just when you're talking to me?

I guess you just bring out the captain obvious in me, babe. Also, I'm surprised you didn't deny my statement and/or take offense from it.

Have you met me? I see it as nothing more than a declaration of truth. Being weird isn't necessarily a bad thing and I never claimed to be otherwise.

You're right.

I'm aware, now how do we make me not just right, but also Canadian?