Orange Deficiency〆Jeon Jungkook

⋆twenty six

turmoil disoriented state, confusion

Sora

I shut the door loudly, not wanting to see his beautifully sculpted face shine under the light, or his perfectly toned body that popped beneath his wet shirt and wet hair as he stood there all vulnerable and uncomfortable, merely because I would pitty him, I would let him in, and he deserved to suffer just a bit.

I leaned my body against the tall wooden barrior, the air silent for a few moments before Jungkook came knocking onto the door with all of his remaining strength, calling out my name. When there was no response from me, I myself standing still and quiet, he seemed to give up. I could no longer fell his presence up close.

I took a deep, long breath, sliding down the door and plopping onto the floor, collapsing, feeling as if my entire body and soul had dissapated and left no trace.

I didn't know what to feel. It was all too overwhelming to just react to, it needed it's time to sink in. All the dissappointment, the unexpressed anger that was slowly molding into sadness and the pure confusion of it all.

I grabbed a piece of my hair, tugging onto it and eager to rip it all out but ultimately just pinning it away from my face.

I sighed, staring at the distance ahead of me and already missing his presence. It wasn't that Jungkook and I were together all the time, sometimes we didn't see eachother for days, even though as the time passed we were together for longer and longer as the time ticked away beyond our control, but this time, it felt different. It was more permanent, more of a goodbye, and It left a void I never knew needed to be filled.

I put my head up against the door. Nothing to say, nothing to do but think, which I really didn't want to do.

I took in the soft sounds of the rain as it pelted the streets, shutting my eyes and calming myself down. It was so comforting, the rain.

"I'll wait for you" There was a muffled whisper, and I wasn't sure If I had heard him right, but he hadn't left, and no matter how well I was doing with keeping my feelings hidden away, I cracked when I heard those words.

He'd really wait for me?. A single tear escaped my eye, and I wiped it away as soon as it reached my cheek.

Everything was suddenly so dull.

With my ears still listening closely, I heard Jungkook's foot steps as he slowly trudged along the balcony and down the stairs until the sound faded away completely. Very very slow steps, almost too slow. It sounded more like he was pushing himself, like sad walking.

I tucked my hands under my thighs, picking myself up from the floor and taking the necessary two steps in order to throw myself onto the couch.

It got lonely in this place. My family was far away, and I could call them at any moment but how could I face them and tell them that I'd made the same mistake twice?. That someone had managed to break me once again, or maybe I had escaped just before I turned into pieces, and how would I tell them that I had started to catch feelings for this boy? How do you say all of that to the people you love the most?.

So, all I could do was weigh out my options.

I could either forget about him; forget about stupid Jungkook and his stupid bright and starry eyes and try my best to leave all the good memories in one place in my head. I could forgive him; run to him, tell him that I possibly loved him and trust that he would be of good, trust him. Or I could keep my distance and wait, wait to see how long it takes for me to decide, wait to see if I miss him. Option number three clicked the best.

I smiled. Some sort of half-happy, half-sad smile I didn't know how to read through.

Jungkook. That was all I could think of. How fun he was, how beautiful he seemed to be inside and out, how spontaneous and oblivious, maybe even fearless, and he had so many hidden doors that he would openly hand me all the keys to and join me to explore. His penetrating stares and soft kisses, his moon smile and lingering touch.

Less than ten minutes had passed and I couldn't yet erased him, but I would try.

I gazed outside the window for a few lasting moments, and as the night fell and the sky turned black, the rain had stopped, and I had found myself drifting into sleep because my head couldn't cope anymore.

Dreams really did seem like the best place to be anyway.

______

Shorter chapter but I think it's just enough, no more needed.

I think that I always try to reach for a specific word count and sometimes it doesn't work, it all gets lost between the words, and I'm trying to work on that, because sometimes less is more.