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forgiveness pardon; end of blame

forgiveness pardon; end of blame

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Jungkook

knock knock.

"Come in" A distant voice on the other side of the white door.

I turned the door handle, walking in with a heavy step but feather-light heart as it slowly swung ahead of me. Seokjin's face, as always, was bright, a big smile adorning it as he greeted me inside in a pleasant manner. I'd never seen him down, not even once, not even when he had diagnosed me with a one-of-a-kind disorder. I admired him for that because despite it I could sense his sympathy, his sadness, his condolences. It wasn't possible he did not worry, he did not stress. Working with peculiar illnesses couldn't be easy. None of that showed in his stance nor his demeanor. He was as fresh as ever.

I took a seat on the white leather chair in front of his desk, sitting back into it as I waited for him to prepare his papers for our meeting that day. It would be an overview of my health and well-being, which had significantly improved in the span of a few months. It's not that I didn't have black-outs or deprivation, but they didn't occur often, and they sure weren't as serious. In fact, I'd lost all touch with little space, and sometimes being deprived gave me no side-effects.

He turned to me, slamming the folder onto the desk. "How have you been?".

My gaze settled upon the moving metal balls placed at the edge of the large desk as they swung left and right and shone with the light that came in from the window behind Seokjin. It created a prism-like spectrum. I lifted my eyelashes, shifting my attention to him. I'd say I was doing great, but I'd carried a certain worry with me that day. Ever since Seokjin's call in the early morning, in the urgency of it, and despite his cheerful tone, It felt I was holding onto my breath. As If my heart stopped but pounded inside my chest simultaneously. Maybe because it came as default to me after so many years of bad news that I would hear them again, but frankly I had no clue why Seokjin had called me there that day. Since that was too much to put into words I settled with "I'm doing great".

If it was even possible, his smile broadened. "I can tell. It looks good on you".

I smiled at his flattery, but couldn't do much more as my vexidness took control. I could merely laugh and wait.

Luckily, soon after that Seokjin gave me my usual check-up which managed to distract me from my swirling, manic thoughts. His joy didn't calm me, it made me weary. What if it was all just a cover before he spilled the chaos upon me? after all, I was born to live in it. It'd been too long since anything bad had happened. Things had been oddly quiet. Maybe it was the calm before the storm. Another storm. And what if this brought down everything with it? Even concrete things, things I'd deemed as long-lasting, solid, permanent.

"Why don't you take a seat?" He signified as he sat in his chair. I sat. Wiggled a little until I got comfortable, and then waited.

Seokjin cleared his throat, picking up a pen and placing it over a blank piece of paper in front of him. The tip barely lingered over it. "I'll ask a few questions now. Do your best to answer them, even if some may seem...weird". I nodded. I'd been through this routine too many times now.

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