CLUELESS HATE

XXXIII

Gini went to the bedroom with her sister. Mama had eyed the ring on her finger when she came downstairs so she had to explain herself.

"The house is beautiful," Mama said as they sat on the bed.

"Yea."

"What's going on? Are the kids going to be moving in with him now that you're engaged?"

Gini wanted to go with her conclusion but she knew she had to be opened with her sister. "Married."

Mama peered at her. "You're joking."

"I'm not."

"How did you get married in barely two days?"

"He proposed and I suggested getting married. I don't know why, maybe we were both drunk, I really don't know. He got a priest and everything then we got married in a church. I have the marriage certificate somewhere."

"Gini, are you using?" Mama sat closer to her.

"Using what?"

"Are you on drugs? You suggested getting married because he proposed, what is wrong with you?"

Gini just wanted to shut down but she answered, "It was a mistake."

"A mistake? Where was your head? Why don't you think when it comes to this guy? You're not fourteen anymore, Gini."

"I know that."

She continued, "And I can't help you anymore. God, Gini! You just don't marry someone you met about a month ago because you used to know him back in secondary school."

"You're right."

"What happens if he's a totally different person? Did you ever think that he might be different now?"

"No, I didn't," she said truthfully. "I just wanted all my dreams to come through. I wanted the kids to know him, and I wanted him back in my life." She broke down as she explained.

"I know you think I don't show my feelings enough or that I'm too cynical but it's not okay to be this naive also."

"Yea," she said and wiped tears from her eyes.

"Are you so sure about him?"

Gini nodded because she couldn't trust herself to lie convincingly. If she'd been more like her cynical sister, she wouldn't be married to someone that only cared about having revenge.

"But don't you think it's suspicious that he went along just like that? You both are not even close to thirty and are married already."

"Yea."

"Not yea again. Geez, is that all you're going to be saying?"

"Mama, I'm just tired. Juwon is fine."

"Okay, I don't want to ruin your marriage by being negative. Show me around."

Gini got up from the bed and went out of the bedroom with Mama. She showed her the several rooms available and went back to the bedroom.

"Where will the boys stay?"

"One of the rooms. If they don't like it here, we'll leave."

"You think you can just leave? You're married."

"Yea."

"Gini, are you okay?"

She rubbed her forehead. "I'm fine."

"You seem distant."

"That's because I'm transitioning and I also can't imagine not living with you."

"Aww, my baby."

Mama dragged her in and Gini started crying as they shared a hugged. She was going to miss her sister. She was the only person in her corner and was also the only person she could confide in.

"I love you, Mama."

"I love you too. Take care of yourself and the kids."

"Sure will," she said through tears.

"Alright, stop crying." Mama laughed and helped her clean her face.

Gini hugged her again and finally laughed.

"What are you going to do with yourself?" Gini asked.

"Didn't you talk about owning a dance studio?"

"That'd happen when we sell the properties."

"Then I'll keep dancing."

"At the strip club?"

"Where else would it be?"

"I just worry about you."

"I'll be safer just not to get you worried."

"Thanks." Gini touched her sister's cheeks affectionately.

"I've to get going."

"Do you really?"

"You know I have to. I miss you guys already." She stood from the bed and looked her way. "Will you get the boys phones so they can keep telling me about their crushes at school."

"They have crushes?"

"Hmm." She smiled. "Lips sealed."

"You're no fun."

"My nephews trusted me to keep it a secret and I plan on doing just that."

"Mama!"

"Don't make me tell you. Gotta go, bye."

Gini left the bedroom with her sister. She saw the boys in the living room watching TV and she asked where Juwon was. One of them said the kitchen and she found him in there making pasta. Gini told him her sister was leaving and ignored him when he asked if Mama knew about what was going on with them. He had lost the right to ask her those sort of questions when he decided it was okay to put all the blame on her.

Juwon had found a way to make her regret wishing for him to come back into her life. That was mainly the reason she didn't lose her mind when the babies came. She always wanted to be sane when he finally showed up. Well he did show up, didn't he? He showed up and ruined everything.

Gini left the house with Mama after she said goodbye to the boys and Juwon. She collected the two luggage in the boot and hugged her sister before she got in the car. Gini waved as Mama drove off. As she dragged the luggage to the house, she wondered where Mama had gotten the car. Borrowed, definitely.

She went back to the kitchen and got plates as Juwon was finishing with the cooking. She arranged them on the dinning table before going back to the luggage. The boys helped her with it and when they got upstairs, she told them to pick a room. As they were jumping with excitement for having a bigger room with the necessary furniture, Juwon walked in.

"Whose room is this going to be?"

"Theirs," Gini said.

"They don't have to share, there's about six more empty rooms. Guys, would you like to have separate rooms?"

"Can we?" Taye asked with huge eyes.

"Of course. It's your house too, kids."

Gini smiled when the boys ran out of the room to pick rooms.

"Who's getting this room then?" Juwon asked smiling.

Gini tried to remember everything in his diary when his dimples flashed below his lower lip. She licked her lips and looked away. Juwon came closer to her and touched her ear. She saw him look at her chest as it rose from his nearness. When Juwon stared at her lips, she licked it unconsciously and stepped closer to him before she could stop herself. Their lips touched and she couldn't remember who made the first move. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him as much as he kissed her.

"Gini, we get it you're in love," Kenny interrupted.

She broke off from Juwon and looked at her sons. They laughed at her discomfort as she tried to act normal.

"There's food on the table downstairs," Juwon said to distract them.

"Continue then," Taye said as they ran down the stairs.

Gini smiled awkwardly and stared at Juwon when they left. "When I said we should be cordial, I wasn't talking about this."

Juwon put his hands in his pockets and smiled. "You kissed me first."

"I didn't mean to."

"Gini, I liked it."

"I don't want you to. You can't say you hate me and still enjoy kissing me."

"They aren't mutually exclusive, I believe."

"You're an asshole."

Juwon held her arm. "Gini, I didn't mean it like that. That just slipped out of my mouth."

"It's fine. I need to join the boys."

Gini joined her sons downstairs and sighed when she saw the mess they had made on the table.

"You were supposed to take your portion then eat. Why is there pasta all over the table?"

Taye looked at her then back at his food.

"Are you saying you suddenly don't know how to act? You forgot your manners or what?"

"We are sorry, Gini," they said.

"Clean this mess, okay?"

She left the table and went into the kitchen. Gini wiped the tears falling from her eyes with a napkin, she looked out of the window and stared at the almond tree at the backyard. Her life was a mess and her nerves were everywhere. She couldn't confide in her sister and the whole thing was eating her up. Her kids needed her and she couldn't just go away from everyone and everything as she wished. She wasn't sure she had the strength to keep pretending that everything was alright. She smiled as she heard the kids coming.

"I want to clean the table, Taye said he'll do the dishes," Idowu came in and said.

"Let them help you clean, Taye doesn't have to wash since there's a dishwasher."

"There's a dishwasher?" he asked in surprise.

"Yea, there is."

"Awesome. Gini, do we call him dad or what?"

"You can call him whatever you want."

"Okay."

She smiled as he skipped out of the kitchen.