my little secret ; lana del rey (DISCONTINUED)

2

It's the next day now, I have pretty much only just just got out of bed and it's 2Pm. Oh well i'm having a bad day. It's one of them day's that I am really craving drugs and it's hard to fight it. It hurts my insides so badly, like the need for drugs just aches me. "Lucy , Jack is here for you" my dad shouts up the stairs. Jack is my councillor, he really doesn't help at all but my parents won't let me quit seeing him. Just a waste of money if you ask me. He asks me the same exact questions every week and gets the same answers off me every week because guess what Jack I haven't changed and i'm not going to change.

I quickly walk downstairs and say goodbye before walking outside to Jacks car. "Hello Lucy" He says starting the car up. "sup jack" i reply. Jack begins driving and begins asking me questions. "So how are you?" He asks concentrating on the road. "Same as usual, don't have the effort to do anything, i hate everyone and i still have days where i'm craving badly, like today" I tell him openly. He nods.
"ok and how long have you been clean for now" he asks as he parks up at our usual spot near the beach. "2 weeks" i tell him honestly. "That is so good Lucy, you should be proud of yourself" He tells me patting my shoulder.

He's right I should be proud of myself. But i'm not. I know i haven't done drugs in 2 weeks, but every single day i'm without them gets harder, not easier. The pain of wanting them so badly kills me, it's like i'm being stabbed in the stomach over and over again and my throat is slowly closing up and my breath slows. It's the worse feeling ever. I don't know what kills me more, taking drugs, or withdrawal.

"So how's your love life going, any relationships?" He asks me. I shake my head "nope not since my druggy abuser of an ex" I tell him. Yeah my ex was my drug dealer, he used to sexually abuse me when i couldn't pay for the drugs. But it's all good he's in jail now.

Me and Jack talk for a few more hours until it turned just gone 5 and we have arrived at my house. "bye" i tell him before getting out of the car and shutting the door. I sigh and walk into my house to be greeted a group of my family members sat in my living room. And not just my family members, Lana's here.

"Lucy! your back, how was your counselling?" my mom says loudly in front of everyone. Thanks for letting everyone know i have a councillor mom real smooth. "As useless as ever" I tell her and roll my eyes. "Oh be quiet, Jack is a great councillor, now go and sort yourself out you look like you've just gotten out of bed" She says and nudges me towards the stairs. I've completely avoided eye contact with Lana up till now, to be honest i'm really not in the mood for it.

I walk into my room, and begin to take my hoodie off but end up just getting stuck. For fuck sake I can't even dress myself properly. I hear my door open and pray that's it's my sister. "Oh shit this isn't the bathroom" I hear Lana say. "yep it isn't" i reply with my head still stuck in my hoodie and my bra on show. This is fucking great. "Are you stuck here let me help you" Lana says walking over, I feel her warm hand on my bare waist as she reaches me.

She untangles my necklace from my hoodie and pulls it off my head laughing. "thank you" i say. Watching her as she looks me up and down. I quickly grab one of my crop tops from off my bed and put it on, hiding my exposed body. "you can use my bathroom, it's there" I say pointing behind me. She smiles and walks into it and shuts the door. I sit on my bed waiting for her to finish. The door opens and she walks in getting a packet of cigarettes out of her pocket. "Can i?" She asks getting one out. I look at nod. "Yeah, but not here" I say. I stand up and walk towards the window revealing a flat roof which is right under my window. I step out of my window onto the roof and she follows me.

"This is so cool" she says sitting close to me on the blanket i have. She lights up her cigarette and the smell of smoke hits my nose. "Do you want one?" She asks me, holding the packet towards me. I stare at the packet, i'm so fucking tempted right now but i can't. "I.. I can't" i tell her, pushing her hand away and staring off in the distance. "How come?" she asks me.

"because i used to be addicted to all this shit, drugs, alcohol, smoking" I tell her, my hands shaking from urge. I think Lana seemed to notice because her hand has made her way to mine. "Here" she says and puts her fingers on my chin and turns my head to face her. She puts the cigarette into her mouth and takes a big inhale. I know exactly what she's going to do next. She brings her face closer to mine and parts her lips, and encourages me to open my mouth. She brings her lips closer to me and exhales all the smoke into my mouth. I breathe it in and set it set in my lungs for a while before slowly exhaling. I open my eyes and notice Lana is a few inches from my face. I can feel her warm breath circling my face. She puts her cigarette in her mouth one last time and inhales it before throwing it off the roof. She breathes the smoke into my mouth once more and stares into my eyes. "Kiss me" she whispers. Butterflies explode in my stomach and the craving for the smoke has suddenly disappeared.

"Ladies, Dinners ready" my uncle says, knocking on my door, making my move away from Lana quickly. She smiles. "Let's go" she says holding my hand helping my through the window.