Buses & Bunk Beds (Zarry)

Chapter 69

"Zayn. Wake up, baby," Harry whispered, his breath against my neck and his fingers at my side making me squirm.

"No," I mumbled, shrugging away from him and burrowing myself further underneath the covers.

"Come on, sleepyhead. It's almost noon, and you know how bored I get without you to entertain me," he said. I didn't need to open my eyes to know that he was pouting. 

I rolled onto my back to face him with a huff, knowing that getting back to sleep would be an impossible task when he was in one of these moods. "You really couldn't survive without me, could you?" I asked with a smile. 

"Duh," he replied as he pulled me closer so that he could rest his head against my chest. "I would've thought you would have figured that out by now. Here I was thinking that you're more than just a pretty face...guess I was wrong," he teased, his fingers dancing along my happy trail.

I ran my hands up and down his back as I tried to figure out how to word what I needed to say. "I know you love me, Harry, and you know how much you mean to me. Your happiness matters to me more than anything, including my own. That's why I have to give you one last chance to back out," I told him. I could feel him tense in my arms, so I quickly continued on, needing to get this out. "It's just that a bunch of shit's about to hit the fan, and if you're not sure about all this then we can say we were just kidding or summat. That's not what I want, at all, but I also don't want to see you hurt. I'd do it if it would make you happy. I want to see you happy more than I want anything for myself."

"Zayn, you make me happy. I'm happier with you than I could ever be without you. Why do you do this? Why do you always question what I feel for you?" he asked as he sat up so that he could look at me. I sat up as well, reaching out to take his hands in mine.

"I know you love me, baby. I don't always know why, but I know that you do. I feel it, right here," I said, bringing both our hands up and holding them against my heart. "I just don't ever want to be the cause of pain for you, you know?"

"Dammit Zayn. I know you don't want to see me hurt, but the crap we're going to get from a bunch of strangers is nothing compared to the pain I'd feel if we weren't together anymore. Truly Zayn, you need to realize that I'd do anything to be with you. We belong together."

I smiled as I cupped my hand around the back of his neck, pulling him forward so that I could kiss him. He looked contemplative when we pulled apart, his fingers idly playing with his lower lip.

"I never told you this, but I used to have this dream all the time; a recurring nightmare really," he said quietly, looking down at our fingers where they were interlaced on my lap. "In it you'd get hurt, different ways each time, always when we were on tour, and we'd have to call an ambulance for you. I'd be so scared while we waiting for help, holding your hand and fussing over you while you ignored your pain and tried to call me down, but each time the ambulance arrived I wasn't allowed to go with you. Instead I had to stay behind while Perrie climbed in the back with you. It was awful, having to stand there while you were taken away from me, not knowing if I'd see you ever again. I never want to have that happen for real. I couldn't stand it. I want to be the one by your side, through the good and the bad. So you don't ever need to ask me if I want out again. I love you, Zayn, and I want it all with you. Not just the cuddles and the kisses but the arguments and the drama too. You're worth any crap we might get. Plus, I'm not some delicate little flower that's going to crumble at the first sign of criticism."

"I know you're not, babe; I just wanna take care of you."

"And I love it when you do, but it doesn't all have to be on your shoulders. We can take care of each other, okay?" He was staring at me intently, and talking even more slowly than usual, taking his time to choose each word. It felt like we were talking about a lot more than facing the fallout from coming out. It felt like we were talking about forever. And I liked the idea of us taking care of each other forever.