Buses & Bunk Beds (Zarry)

Chapter 18

It was pride that led to my first drink that night. A little welcome back dinner party had been arranged for the band and crew, but my mind was consumed with a plan that I'd been working on for the last few hours of the flight. I had to find a way to somehow smooth things over with Perrie and make her see reason. It wasn't much of a plan and it was a long shot, but it was all I had.

I knew that I needed to be prepared to kiss some major arse, and as much as that sucked I was willing to eat crow for Harry's sake. But it still took the Jack and coke to get me to hit the send button.

ZAYN: Hi Perrie, how are you? Could you give me a call? I was hoping we could talk about everything.

*

It was anxiety that led to my second drink. I'd secluded myself at the start of the party so that I could work up the nerve to text Perrie and hopefully receive a call from her, but now I needed to socialize and I knew that people were going to want to know where I'd been hiding myself during our break.

I needn't have worried. Everyone from the crew to my bandmates seemed perfectly happy to accept my vague response of "Chillin," in answer to their questions. I guess having a reputation as a loner and a homebody can come in handy sometimes.

Harry didn't get off as easily. Liam was the first person I heard ask him, "What'd you get up to over break Hazza?"

"Me? Oh, I was in recovery."

"Recovery from what?" Liam asked, his brow furrowing in concern.

"I had a penis reduction. It's still too big though," Harry answered, causing Liam to laugh and me to choke on my second Jack and coke.

Louis didn't seem amused. "Seriously, where were you? I barely heard from you."

"I just needed some time away from everything. It was really nice actually. I learned quite a bit about myself," Harry said with his eyes locked on mine.

*

It was jealously that led to my third drink. Dinner had just finished and we were all hanging around, catching up, when Josh joined us.

"So Harry, what's up with you and Cara? I saw those pictures of you two...nice work mate. My guess is you were holed up somewhere with her all week. She's probably the reason you look like you can barely walk."

I didn't even wait for Harry's response to down my bevy in one go, trying to block out the images of them kissing before they could invade my mind.

"Not bloody likely. We're just friends, if that. It was just a drunken one off," Harry insisted, much to my relief.

*

It was annoyance that led to my fourth drink. Louis had pulled Harry off to the side an hour ago, and they were still having a little pow wow in the corner of the restaurant. I ordered a double, trying to ignore the pointed looks Louis was shooting me over Harry's shoulder. I wished that I could hear what they were saying or think of a legitimate reason to interrupt them, but the best my alcohol infused brain could come up with was "He's mine, back off bitch," and I didn't think that would win me points with anyone.

*

It was anger that led to drinks five through...something. We had just gotten back to the tour bus and I could barely stand up straight when I finally got a response from Perrie.

PERRIE: There's nothing for us to talk about. Either you do what I say, or the whole world finds out that you're a poofer who likes it up the ass. It's your choice. Love, the future Mrs. Malik

I saw red when her text came through. I didn't know whether to scream or cry or hit something. So I decided to drink. Luckily we had a fully stocked bar on the bus, and I felt that I'd earned the right to a few strong ones for having to put up with her bullshit.

*

It was all the drinks and my own stupidity that led to me fucking everything up. The more I drank the more frustrated and pissed off I got, until I wasn't even sure exactly what I was mad about anymore. I just knew that it wasn't fucking fair that I had to even still be talking to Perrie, much less having to pretend to be in love with her. Or that I was going to have to sleep in a bunk bed for the next several months, knowing that Harry was just a few feet below me but not be able to touch him. Or that my whole life had somehow become about image and branding and never about what I fucking wanted.

I'd had enough, and I knew that the only solution was to put Perrie in her place for once and for all.

ZAYN: Go fuck urself perrie. Ur nothin bt a stupid cunt an u don't even desrve to breathe thee same air as haz. I wish Id never met u. So tell the presss whtever u want 2 cuz I relly dont give a fuck

*

It was this text that led to my life being fucked up in ways I had never imagined.

***

It had been three days. Three fucking days since I had sent Perrie that text. Three days since I'd last kissed Harry. Three days since I'd last known what it felt like to not be consumed with guilt and worry.

I'd woken up that first morning back on the bus hungover as fuck and unable to remember large portions of the previous night. Unfortunately a quick scan of my texts brought everything rushing back, and I'd had a knot in my stomach ever since.

Our schedule had been jam packed, and Harry and I literally had not gotten a moment alone. He still managed to make me feel special though, sending me sweet texts throughout the day and dirty texts throughout the night. I found that it was during concerts that I now felt the closest to him, as I settled for looking at him while I sang my solos since I didn't have the opportunity to tell him how I was feeling in private.

A lot of our songs had become more special to me as I imagined that they were about Harry and me. They Don't Know About Us had especially taken on new meaning for me, and I couldn't take my eyes off of him as I sang my parts.

Our lack of alone time was doing nothing to dampen my feelings towards him. If anything, I could feel myself falling harder. The degree to which I was missing his touch and sweet words just confirmed what I already knew: I was head over heels for him.

Which only made me more stressed out about the Perrie situation. I had been hoping to hear back from her before I confessed everything to Harry so that I would at least have an idea of what we were up against. But I had heard nothing from her or management, and I had no idea what her reaction to my belligerent text would be.

I found out three days after we'd gone back on the road, when Paul told me he needed to talk to me and asked me to go on a walk with him. Normally Paul was the authority figure that I'd most want to deal with, but something in his tone made me want to lock myself in the loo and never come out.

He didn't waste any time in breaking the bad news to me. "I just got off the phone with Nancy, and there are some big changes coming Zayn. They've decided that Little Mix is going to join the tour as a second opening act. They think of it as a nice surprise for your fans and a good way to increase their album sales."

"Fuck," I swore, hating the idea of having to see Perrie every day.

"I'm afraid that's not all. Perrie's insisting that you guys get engaged right away. She wants you to propose on your birthday or she's going public with all kinds of allegations."

His words stopped me dead in my tracks, and I had to squat down for fear that I might pass out. I didn't know how to respond. I had been counting on having a few weeks to sort everything out, and now I didn't even have a few days.

Paul knelt down and clasped a hand on my shoulder. "I'm really sorry son. I know this isn't ideal, but we just need to get through the next few months and then we can announce a breakup while you're off sunning on some beach where people can't ask questions. Okay?"

I nodded, still unable to speak. All I could think about was Harry. I could deal with Perrie for a few months as long as I knew that I had Harry by my side, in private at least, but he shouldn't have to put up with this shit. He deserved better, and I was terrified that I wasn't worth all the drama and heartache that I was about to put him through.