I spend the next few months hardly leaving the house. Ryan and Ashton come by a lot to check on me and walk Pepperoni.
Calum has his baby, a healthy little girl that looks just like Ashton but with brown eyes. They bring her by a few times. I hold her and everything.
It takes weeks for me to start getting my life going again. Showering every day becomes an accomplishment for a little bit. If it wasn't for my pregnancy, I'm sure I wouldn't stay hydrated or fed. Since I want my child to be happy, healthy, and safe, I eat and drink regularly.
I start yoga and try meditation. While it helps with my flexibility, it does nothing for the missing part in my life. There's a near constant ache in my chest.
When it's still hurting pretty bad five months later, at my baby shower, I'm sure it'll never stop. I have three weeks until I'll officially be a parent, and I'm not over losing Michael. It does nothing but raises my worries about being a good parent.
My friends are scared, too. They try to talk me into getting help many times. They offer to assist with the baby. They set me up with a therapist, which does nothing for me. Ryan and I bond a bit more, because he comes by a lot more since Ashton became a dad.
Ryan is the one that helps me set up the nursery. He paints the walls and arranges the furniture until I'm satisfied. After that, he helps me decorate and put away baby clothes, diapers, and other things.
Calum helps me finish the shopping for my kid and I clean my house spotlessly on my own. I get a haircut, start working out again, and start bothering to get dressed again in the mornings.
The joy of my baby coming soon helps me power through every day. At first, I did things because I was growing a baby and I had to. As the fetus developed into a baby, though, I got more excited about life. I knew the only thing I could hold onto would be my baby.
Though I'm happy about the baby, I still walk around with a constant ache in my heart. I still got to bed crying almost every night and staring at the ceiling for hours until I fall asleep. I still wake up with nightmares more often not. And Michael is still on my mind all the time.
Ryan is at the house the day something happens to my baby. It's just shy of two weeks before my due date. My back has been hurting worse than normal for the past few days, but this is different. Harsher and more sharp. When it starts in my abdomen, he decides to take me to the hospital.
We get in my car and he speeds to the hospital. The same one I lost the most important person of my life in just months ago.
We check in and are led to a hospital room. The doctor is quick to do an x ray and then take me back to a delivery room.
"You came at the right time. Your placenta has detached. If you would've waited another hour, your baby would be dead," he informs me.
"What?" I grab my baby bump.
The doctor makes eye contact with me.
"We have to give you a shot of epidural and one of morphine. You'll barely have time for it to kick in before we have to get the baby out," he informs me.
Ryan steps forward. "Why?"
"The baby is slowly dying. The placenta has fully detached, meaning he has no air or nutrients. We don't have very long."
I can't lose my baby.
"Do it! Now!" I snap. The doctor sticks two needles in my back. Epidural and pain killer.
He lays me back down on the delivery bed and explains the process to me. I'm terrified. Will my baby be okay?
Less than ten minutes pass, but it feels like forever.
"We have to do this right now or the baby will die," the doctor tells me.
"Do it. Please!" I groan. My medications haven't kicked in all the way yet, but it doesn't matter.
Ryan squeezes my hand as the doctor starts to cut me open. There's a sharp burning sensation in my abdomen and I can feel the doctor and a nurse working their way to my child.
"Ryan..." I mumble.
"I'm right here," Ryan answers.
"Is that baby okay?" I ask.
A few minutes later, a cry fills the room. The cries of my baby. The nurse cuts the umbilical cord and they clean him up a little bit.
"It's a boy!" The doctor announces. We already knew that, of course. Michael knew it before the baby was even developing.
They wrap him in a small blanket and hand him to me.
I cradle my new son against my chest, shushing his cries. When he calms down, his wide eyes look at my face.
They're green. The exact same shade as Michael's. He has Michael's nose, too.
"He's incredible," I whisper. Tears of joy leave my eyes. I thought I loved him more than anything in this world already, but it's like my heart doubles in size just to love him more now that I'm holding him.
I kiss his soft, pink forehead. He makes a little noise and I look up at Ryan.
"Do you want to hold him?" I ask.
Ryan agrees and carefully takes the baby. As he's rocking my newborn, the nurse starts questioning me.
I answer all of her questions, and she smiles with her last one.
"Full name of the baby?"
I look at the tiny infant and smile.
"Alexander Michael Clifford."
With that, I know I'm ready to be the best parent I can be to my baby.
YOU ARE READING
Devil's Backbone (Muke)
Fanfiction"Don't care if he's guilty, don't care if he's not He's good and he's bad and he's all that I've got Oh Lord, Oh Lord, I'm begging you please Don't take that sinner from me." --------- Luke and Michael are together. Michael works hard, and Luke know...
