The Gauntlet: Results and Reviews

Passage to Kraäkst Ta'ark by EryxAias

Final Total: 4.8 (reshelved)

Reader 1:

Cover: 1/4 The background pic is actually pretty cool. The fonts are ruining it, though. First, find a font that works for sci-fi. Elongated Arial doesn't work. It looks cheap and lazy. The Starwars March into the Distance with the title is distracting, also, and makes the eye want to read bottom to top. It's also on a different plane than the tile floor, which is driving me nuts. The colorwash effect beneath the text tips this whole thing into tacky and cluttered. Having a cool and appropriate font in a color that complements your background (in this case bright blue, yellow, orange, or white would work) is actually better overall than a bunch of special effects. You know... this would look really cool with a brightening effect, or if the text was black with a bit of glow-through with that light behind it... Anyway. I would just monkey with the fontwork a little more. Right now it's dragging your cover into Blahsville.

Title: 2/2 Works for genre, and is linked to the blurb.

Blurb: 2/4 What is this, a running fad? Did I miss the memo? Why is everyone starting their blurb with a weird rhetorical/hypothetical question? This is probably the fifth time this has happened in this round. So do me a favor. Lose that question at the beginning, or figure out how to turn it into a statement that's clearly related to your plot. Tuck it into the middle as a detail. That statement, 'Benjamin Mills turns thirteen with the arrival of the Fall Equinox' is short and packs a punch all by itself, you don't need to 'help' your reader become interested in your story by forcing them to read your book to answer your quiz in the blurb. If your plot is interesting it'll pull people in. Chop that beginning question. Keep the first sentence, that's good MC background/setting. Second sentence, provides a bit more character motivation, good. You could maybe go a bit deeper into what about adulthood makes Ben nervous so we understand why he would want to get away so bad. Third paragraph: 'in his basement*,* and so does the chance to escap.' This is a tad awkward. Maybe try: 'a strange door appears in his basement, and with it Ben sees a chance to escape.' '...that his worries were trivial () *compared to a world where he's considered food.' Could you shorted this a little? 'It instantly transports him to an alien planet named Kraalst Ta'ark, where he soon discovers that his worries were trivial. On Kraalst Ta'ark he is hunted by the ______. Worse, he is food.' Or something. Give just a touch more detail in here to round out your setting and give some obstacles/tension.

The ending sentence provides the moral lesson associated with much of YA lit, which is fine. Overall, not too shabby.

Total: 5 (I have put the book back on the shelf)

Reader 2:

Cover: 1.5/4  The Light! The Light! The colours are nice, but this looks like the most standard of standard sci-fi cover. The slanted writing is Star Wars-y and the thing that looks like a gas nebula surrounding the doorway is also fairly standard. It gets the message across, but that's all it does.

Title: 2/2 I don't read nor write this type of stuff, but this is a title that tells me it's sci-fi/fantasy, so I'll believe you that it works.

Blurb: 2/4

Problematic in that the story is sold from the wrong angle and spends too much time on things that don't directly engage the reader.

How about something like this: "Like Peter Pan, almost 13-year old Benjamin Mills doesn't ever want to grow up. Ever. When his birthday arrives on the same day as the Equinox, a strange door appears in his basement that he thinks is his escape to his own Neverland. What he doesn't expect is that, in this other world of Kraälst Ta'ark, he's considered dinner by the creatures who live there. Only wanting to go home again, Benjamin has to put aside his misgivings and trust in a native to help him. But can he really?"

You may not like my phrasing, but the above example shows how much could be economised to get an aerodynamic blurb that gets to the heart of the story. It also invites the potential reader into the adventure by leaving the conclusion open, but not unintelligible.

Total: 5.5 (I've put the book back on the shelf)

Reader 3:

Cover: 1/4  Very early sci fi, unfortunately not in a good way. The lens flare is overwhelming and throwing the cover off balance - would be better more to the right (think rule of thirds) but even then the picture is sort of wishy-washy. The colours are outdated and don't go great together. I like the part with the sky on top, but the rest doesn't do you any favours.

The font you used for the title is fine, although a bit plain and could be better, but the Star Wars effect you've applied really doesn't work with the rest of the cover, and neither does the red texture overlay on the letters.

Title: 1.5/2  Works with the blurb, and works fine for the genre, although sounds a tad Klingon-y.

Blurb: 1.5/4

The first sentence could use a little trim: "what if we're given the opportunity to find ourselves in a worse situation" for example. But honestly, I don't think you really need this line, instead flesh out the rest of the blurb to have more substance.

The next two sentences don't need to be separate paragraphs.

In the last part: "trusting and forgiving". My inner cynic is asking why he should learn to be trusting when everyone around him wants to eat him?

All in all, it's an interesting idea, but I don't think you are really selling it as well. Benjamin's reasons for crossing the door (doesn't want to grow up) feel a bit generic and flat. It could use some more information about him, and about this door, and about the planet he goes to.

Total: 4 (I've put the book back on the shelf)