The Gauntlet: Results and Reviews

Grendilton: Rise of the Shadows by amyrobinz

Final Total: 4.5 (reshelved)

Reader 1:

Cover: 2/4 

This is a tad too dark. The word "Shadows" on the bottom is barely readable, even when I'm looking at it on a large screen. The name of the author is too high and gets cut off. Lowering the image a bit to leave more black on top and lower it would help.

The font for the title is well chosen, it fits the genre rather well. It's pretty much exactly what you'd expect from a fantasy book about mages. My issue with it is the placement of the "G" in Grendilion. I understand what the makers of it were trying to go for, but my eyes keep reading "Rendilton, Grise of the Shadows". The image is nice, although without reading the book I can't really see the reference to the story. Do the mages all have tattoos, or are these special somehow?

Title: 1.5/2

The title is fairly typical for the genre, but because of the "Rise of the shadows" it makes me think this is the first, or possibly second, in a series. I've had a look at your profile and can see that a second one is coming, so that makes sense. The word "Grendilton" itself, however, is difficult to read and even harder to remember. It relates to the blurb in the sense that you explain this is the magical school where the story happens, but the "Rise of the Shadows" part leaves me confused. Is this a metaphorical shadow? Is there a faction within the story you called "the shadows"? There is no mention of that - other that 'conquer this darkness' in the blurb, so I'm a little confused. More on that below.

Blurb: 2/4

You start by introducing the Institute, which is fine, but in rather vague terms that don't make sense if you aren't familiar with the story (and anyone reading this wouldn't be). You say "it is here that the finest beacons of light are created" and I assume you are speaking of the prestigious sages and mages (oh, that rhymes) mentioned earlier, but you could just as well be speaking of actual physical beacons of light. I think the issue here is the word 'created', because that's something reserved for objects rather than persons. Maybe try 'educated' or 'trained' instead. Then the fact that these mages are trained to 'defeat the corruption which may destroy the peace'. There is an obvious conflict you are alluding to, but I have no idea what it is or if the stakes are high, or who is the perpetrator. That makes the threat fall a bit flat, because if I don't know what it is - why should I care?

Next, you go on to describe the two main characters, starting with the age for each of them. You could remove that and, if you really want to specify that they are both twenty, put it in later when you talk about them both being first years. Here, where we first see them, it would be much more interesting to read about who they are. The fact that they are twenty is not going to keep your readers keen.

You describe that Connor is a fire sage, while Macey is a moon mage - maybe elaborate on what that means. Why is he a sage? A sage is typically someone with vast knowledge and intelligence - a wise person, but here it just seems to be a different title - does it depend on which elements they use? Also loathing someone just because they got a better test score than you isn't a great quality, and while your characters should be flawed, the fact that this is the only quality of his we see doesn't make me care what happens to him whichever way. Considering he is that "finest beacon of light" who will "defeat the corruption" portraying him so one-dimensionally doesn't give him justice - he just seems a little wattpad bad boy cliche.

It's much the same with Macey. The both of them seem like the same person, just with slight alterations. You mention she is battling "inner demons" which "haunt her mental well-being". Again - this is so vague it could mean anything. Is she depressed? Is she possessed by something? Are these the rising shadows from the title? If you're going to tease your readers with mental health issues, don't be coy about it. If she has PTSD, tell us.