The Gauntlet: Results and Reviews

The Daughters of Fate by MathiasCavanaugh

Final Total: 3.3 (reshelved)

Reader 1:

Cover: 0/4

I don't know where to begin with this. Screaming Siamese twins holding hands... black, gold, white, with the non-complementary colors of grey and blue... a layout that looks like some sort of brochure template in Word... That stiff tagline stripe over an equally stiff author name footer that makes everything seem institutional...

I'm sorry, but it all needs to go. Wipe it clean and start over. This doesn't say 'epic,' it says Textbook. It says law firm stationary. I understand that it's not always easy to come up with a cover, but simply slapping images together that seem to have something to do with the story doesn't cut it. This book would do better with an image of two women in costume, not wearing the same weird blue swirly dress drawn over them with a low-res soft cg paintbrush. And not screaming. Also not belching stars... I'm afraid I'm going to recommend that you find a decent cover designer on WP, because there isn't really anything you can do to save this one.

Title:2/2

It's there, it's descriptive, it works with the blurb (or at least part of it).

Blurb:1/4

It's fairly easy to understand, but needs work and clarification.

Grammar Hiccups: 'For hundreds of years, the Tear of Earoni has been hidden () from the last of the Blood Lords.' To reign is dangling there at the end, and it's not entirely clear if it's meant to modify Lords (I think so) or the Tear of Earoni. You could cut it and not have any trouble.

Second paragraph: you begin two sentences in a row with a conjunction. While not ABSOLUTELY illegal, try to limit your conjunction-beginnings so you don't slip into a repetitive rhythm.

Third paragraph: Beginning But x 2 here. I might keep this one and change the others. Also: 'But, as with all things, the will of the gods is not enough*,* for mortals are notoriously stubborn and difficult to control.' You did it again with the beginning conjunction...

Fourth paragraph: '...whose lives have been shattered*,* find themselves on opposite sides...' *Cough* There it is again, 'Beginning But' while one ruses to meet her destiny... That makes three Beginning Buts. Stop it.

Out of curiosity, how can someone pay their last 'undying' breath? I'm not sure how to reconcile the one with the other. If he's going to give up his immortality, just say that. Or, conversely, if he's going to die, it would be 'his last *dying* breath.'

Fate has two different meanings in the course of the blurb: first it's the proper name of a god, and then it's 'future,' and then it's 'Fates' again. Which makes for a tad of confusion.

This is starting to feel a little like there's a possible plot hole. If the will of the gods isn't enough to control people, how is there a fate of the world? Or destiny? You could just say they've lost control and there's a power vacuum... right? If I'm reading it correctly, it seems one of the girls wants to follow what the Fates decreed, the other sides with humanity and the freedom to choose her own destiny? Is that what's going on? I had to infer that, FYI.

Also, the first half of the blurb and the last half of the blurb have nothing in common. Lord Hedric wants this Tear thing and there's a prohesy and elves (no mention of fate or Fates), and then suddenly the Fates are playing with... well... fate, but they actually don't have any power, and then we meet the twins and they're fighting a war over... fate. But nothing more is said of Hedric or the Tear, or the elves, so it's almost like there are two different stories going on. Is this one of those 'Two books in one! Turn it over and read it backwards to get another story!' deals?