The Gauntlet: Results and Reviews

The Playwright's Prince by bluespringlife

Final Total: 4.6 (reshelved)

Reader 1:

Cover: 2.5/4 It's not bad, it's just kinda plain and doesn't really say much about the story or the tone of the piece. It's impossible to tell the genre, the emotional content or the setting from it. The fonts used, the pica and the placement are all fine, but the graphic could be more engaging to reel in readers for a little longer than a quick glance. 

Title: 1/2 I can't quite associate the title with the blurb, as no playwright is mentioned. I'm guessing that the Prince is Sam and the playwright is Shakespeare. Somewhere he's probably playing Hamlet, or a role waaaaay too old for a 15-year old. But that's a guess, and I'd rather not have to guess.  

Blurb: 1.5/4

Alright, a 15-year old doesn't have a steady life, they're too young. They have a stable life or an established position. And, at 15, how on earth does anybody become -- or even know -- that they are one of the best actors in school?  At best, they are ridiculous amateurs surrounded by nominally worse amateurs. 

Besides those niggles, most of this blurb is tell. We are told who the characters are, we are not shown their situation or how they react to it. For example (I'll make this up): Luke Emerson keeps his eyes on the floor and doesn't like talking to anybody at lunch. He believes he's all alone in the world. There we've got a visual of his behaviour to help support the statement of how he feels about his life. When a late arrival to History class lands Sam in detention, their paths cross. As the two grow closer together, both of their lives change for the better---or for worse.

I had trouble getting through the first sentence. "A late arrival to History class" had me thinking  a new student had arrived in History class after the beginning of the year. Then, oh, Sam was late to class. At the end of the blurb, I'm left wondering which one it is, do they get on or do they mess each other up? How would it be both? It could be, but you'd have to tell me how. Since I'm not sure if I can expect a happy story (lives change for the better) or a sad story (for the worse), I'm going to have a problem deciding if I want to read this book. 

Total: 5 (I've put the book back on the shelf)

Reader 2:

Cover:2/4There isn't much to go on with this cover. I can't tell from the pic what the story will be about. It could be anything from 50 Minimalist Recipes to Home Decorating Hacks. You also have the dreaded 'A Novel by' up there with your name, which gives it a 'highschool writing assignment' feel. I wouldn't necessarily toss this book, but I wouldn't pick it up expecting a BxB love story.

Title:1/2 It's ok. The alliteration gives it a little bit of a 'pew-pew-pew' effect when you say it out loud, but fine. What I would like to see is some mention of a prince, or a playwright, in the blurb, though. The only connection to the cover is the books, and there is scant connection to the blurb other than in the fact that Sam is an actor.

Blurb: 2/4 You've got a good start. You introduce your MCs well – although there's a hiccup in the grammar right around 'Luke Emerson believes *he* is all alone in the world.' Any reason you don't just use regular dashes instead of three of them? (I won't dock a point for that since not all keyboards have an easy shortcut for it, and not all word processors automatically sub for it.) The problem I'm running into is that both of these kids feel like they're made of cardboard. There isn't enough detail. You could easily go into why Luke feels alienated. 'He lacks comfort and stability in his daily life' isn't really pulling me in. It's too subjective. One person's idea of comfort can vary wildly from another person's. What does he actually lack? A home? Parents? Does he have an abusive guardian? Give me more than 'he lacks comfort and stability.' You could easily lead into this whole 'playwright/prince' thing in here too. Does Luke think writing is his escape from his problems? Is Sam a playwright looking for a dramatic story?

Also, what is Luke doing in detention? This is your inciting incident, and it's pretty good. But you're still losing me. That second 'paragraph' needs a bigger hint at your main conflict than 'as they grow closer together, both of their lives change for the better --- or for the worse.' So do amoebas. And? This is way too vague. There aren't any obstacles for them to overcome. There isn't any conflict at all. There aren't any stakes either: what do they stand to lose or gain? The either/or relationship at the end is too stark and makes me wonder if you know what the end of your story is. You might as well say, 'It could be good, or it could be bad, it's all up in the air right now, come back in a month and maybe I'll have made up my mind.' 

So. Find a way to include your title motif in the blurb. That's actually important detail. Also get just a touch more specific in your MC details. Lastly, lay out the actual main conflict (what drives these two together? Is there a competition? Is there an upcoming play?) and tell us what your MCs stand to lose/gain. Then question the ending of your story. 'Staying together is harder than they thought, however, and they both have to decide how hard they are willing to fight.' (That's strictly an example. I'm sure you can do better, but hopefully it illustrates how you can hint at the ending, and question whether that ending happens or not. That's called 'questioning the resolution.')

Side note: it would be 'on another *site*'.

Total: 5 (I've put the book back on the shelf)

Reader 3:

Cover: 2/4  Sadly, I have seen the photo you have chosen for this on so many books on wattpad that it no longer looks nice, but rather feels like a lazy choice. That's not entirely your fault, but it doesn't make me want to pick up the book and read it. A quick search shows me that it's from Unsplash - which is a great website to go for this - but maybe try to look a little deeper. There are some lovely gems there.

Apart from this, I would suggest lowering the author's name a bit, and making the space between "The Playwright's" and "Prince" marginally larger. The title is feeling a little squashed.

This cover is very simple, and while there is absolutely nothing wrong with simplicity, it needs to be interesting, but this one just feels a little... "meh". I am sorry this isn't exactly a word, but that is how I feel about it.

Title: 1/2 Tells me enough to know I'm about to read a teenage love story, but it's not really enough of a hook to get me interested.

Blurb: 1/4  

Firstly: a little typo in the first paragraph: did you mean "Luke Emerson believes *he* is"?

So, we have two vastly different characters, one a social butterfly and one a social outcast. That's pretty cliche. Nothing wrong with a cliche, but it needs to have something new within it, some sort of a twist to get your potential readers interested. Maybe tell us a bit more about the characters, other than just very vague and superficial descriptions of their grades and friends groups. Is there anything about them that could interest your readers? As it stands now, they both seem rather two-dimensional.

The last sentence is mildly infuriating. Please tell me how their lives change simultaneously for the better and for the worse, or better yet - tell me something concrete about the plot of the story, about the conflict, about what actually happens, instead. You don't need to give me spoilers - but something to get your readers actually reading.

Lastly, the title is "The Playwright's Price" but you don't mention any playwrights. I am guessing this is meant to be the reclusive Luke, as Sam is the actor, but if it's important enough that he writes that you named the book after it, then for the sake of all writers dead and alive please mention it in the blurb.

Total: 4 (I've put the book back on the shelf)