The Gauntlet: Results and Reviews

Frost on the Grasslands by SmokeAndOranges

Total: 4.5 (I've put the book back on the shelf)

Reader 2:

Cover: 3/4  The idea isn't bad, but the black and white doesn't quite do it for this design. The background would -- most likely-- work better in another colour. Dark blue, or a deep, deep purple. The depth of the image is fantastic, but hard to see.  For me the FROST is a bit too big for the rest of the title, although the arrangement is pleasant enough. The author name is also easy to find and read, which is a definite plus.  All in all, it's pretty good, but I'm not sure it would be enough for me to stop and reach out to pick it up off the shelf. Too monochrome.

Title: 2/2  Wow. If I could give you more than two points for the title, I would. I love it. I'd pick the up off the shelf and look at it just for that. It's tangible, and evokes a crisp, vivid atmosphere.

Blurb: .5/4

The opening line is great, and I want to know more...then comes some stuff I really can't make heads or tails of. Total gibberish. After reading the 2nd paragraph three times, I think I get that you are working with a personification of gales and winter gusts. I think. Maybe. Still not sure. Moving on.

We start to get somewhere when Sethral, Silversand and Whipper are introduced, but they seem to be three random creatures existing in a vacuum - -sorry, a vaccum of a wintery forest -- who we think don't have much business being where they are. Some drama is thrown in at the end, but at that point, this sounds like the most confused, static, trying-too-hard story ever. You got me with the great title, very nice cover and the good opening line, then totally ran me off the rails.

I'd really like to like this book. I'd really like to want to read it. At this moment, though, I don't understand much about the story except that 4 random critters converge in a woods and solve a historical mystery. Which mystery? About the disappeared folk? Could be. Or maybe not. Be as clear with the reader as you can. That's hard sometimes. Stories are perhaps complicated, but you've got a good opener. Tell us more about that, and not what happens chronologically in the story.

Total: 5.5 (I've put the book back on the shelf)

Reader 3:

Cover: 3/4 I like the fonts, and the image. Nicely done. One thing I might recommend, if you're going for a more 'fantasy' genre, as the blurb implies, would be to give the title font a bit of a 3D revamp with a touch of color in the lighting. It'll bring this from genre appropriate to pretty dang cool in a heartbeat. I'm not taking a point off for that, though, since the overall effect is still appropriate. Is there a reason you're not using an actual name (pen-name or real) instead of your screen name? I know it's Wattpad, but it'll still give this cover a polished, 'I'm an adult and I take myself and my writing seriously' attitude if you have an actual name as the author's name. Using a screen name just says you want to hide behind the internet, or... *cringe* you're so young you think your Xbox screename is a projection of you as a person...

Title: 1/2 It's ok. Gets the point across. There aren't any grasslands mentioned in the blurb, though, and just looking at it without reading the subtitle, it looks like a Priarie romance/historical drama. Then the subtitle comes along and suddenly it's part one of a series, and it's obviously fantasy. I'm a little on the fence. Maybe if you pull 'grasslands' into the blurb, I'd like it better.

Blurb: 1/4 Alright. We start off right away with something I abhor in blurbs: a Rhetorical Question. *dun dun dunnnnn* *sprinkles holy water* Get thee hence, foul beast! Seriously, though, just cut it. It's crossing the 4th wall and asking your reader a direct question they can't possibly answer without reading your book. Cheap tactics. There are people out there who will immediately chuck the book out the window because they hate being tricked into doing anything. *cough cough* Yours truly being one of those people.

First real Paragraph: Try to simplify things here. No beating around the bush. 'Queen Winter the Mountainair is a tyrant.' Keep your focus on the conflict at hand. 'Driven back to the north in a long ago war, she has been lying low for centuries. Lately, though, there have been signs of her return: a creeping cold season has begun moving south, chasing all before it.' (That's strictly a suggestion based on this blurb, and is meant to illustrate maintaining focus on the plot and the strength of your villain's character with minimal unexplained backstory. Do with it what you want.) Why is this creeping cold season not her doing? Hint: this might actually be a plot problem if she's not the one orchestrating this. 'She follows them.' The cold season? Her enemies? Your story is only as good as your villain, and right now, I'm not even sure what she's doing, much less how powerful she is. (I.e. You can keep what she's doing a secret, but don't make it sound like someone else is doing it.)

Second paragraph: Setting. Ok. But it's a forest, not grassland. Again, you can simplify things. 'None of them call home' is extra. 'years ago' is extra. 'To this day no one knows why they disappeared' is extra. Basically, unless it has something directly to do with setting up the main conflict, get rid of it. It clutters up your blurb. Other than that, your MCs description is fairly good. It would be nice to know what kind of creatures they are, even if those creatures are entirely your own creation. A runaway what? What kind of a creature is Silversand? Also, the phrase 'social butterfly' is very modern, and very 'of this world' feeling. I would suggest saying she's 'carefree,' or just leaving out that detail altogether, since the big important thing is that she's the last of her kind.

Third paragraph: Again, no mention of 'grassland.' At this point I'm beginning to seriously wonder why this isn't called 'Frost in the Forest.' Moving on, we have a bunch of facts that should be connected, but aren't. 'Winter settles in the forest.' Ok. 'The creeping winter becomes only the first of several things starting to go wrong.' This is mostly bloat. Also, why not call it 'creeping frost?' You're repeating the word 'winter,' here, and it's awkward. 'Sethral, Winter, and Silversand team up.' To do what? This is hanging here like some TV episode description. This is the main conflict part of your blurb, but there's nothing here. 'Their stories and Winter's...' Oh, gag me! Don't end a phrase on a possessive. 'Their stories are intertwined with the ominous changes around them.' Or something. That's just a suggestion, but you don't need 'Winter's story' in there anywhere, the 'changes' are enough of a hint of what's going on. Either way, what is your inciting incident? The thing that pushes your characters into action? It's not in here, unless it's just the fact that they met. So what? Three creatures met in a wood and teamed up. For what? I mean, I'm making a leap that it's ' beat Winter's butt,' but they could just be playing a game of tag. Since there isn't any inciting incident, there's no real way to set up the main conflict. So there isn't a main conflict. Without a main conflict, this is about as interesting as reading a piece of wet toast. Yay! They teamed up and did nothing while Winter made some ominous changes! There's no question of the resolution, either, nor are there stakes mentioned. What's going to happen if they don't keep winter at bay? What will they lose? What will happen if they don't team up successfully? Give me some tension, please. Then hint that it might not turn out the way the reader might expect. 'With the forest reeling under a hard frost, the Glorious Trio will have to use all of their disparate wits to ____________.'

Total: 5 (I have put the book back on the shelf)