Four Months

28. Preliminary Visions

44 - 28 = 16 & 16 / 2 = 4. It's a simple math equation, but a more complicated one would be my life. 

Last night I did something. I don't know if its wrong or right. It feels wrong and right at the same time, neither one is out-weighing the other, but that doesn't matter right now because the mistake I made is even more huge than math. Lets talk numbers. Numbers are symbols that we use to identify a quanity or amount or price of something. Sometimes numbers have patterns or an order, like a phone number. Each dash seperates a specific quanity of number. The parenthesis contain a total of three numbers, representative of an location or what we familiarize it with— an area code. The remaining rest of the numbers contains seven total numbers separated by a dash. Three numbers follow the area code, followed by a dash, closing with the remaining last four digits. This is a phone number. Sometimes numbers change, you move, loose your phone, break your phone, have a stalker, and you end up changing your number. Just like that the identifier is a either static on the other line or a new person. Now I could blame my current predicament on phone numbers, but that simply isn't the correct suspect to charge.

Touch screens are. Touch screens have been integrated into our everyday life more than ever.
They are everywhere. On our phones, microwaves, laptops, and tablets. We use touch screens to even log into nail salons now, order food, and choose what flavored drinks we want. Back in the 2000's your girlfriend might call you in a panic about how she accidentally butt dialed the guy she met at the club. The keys and push buttons were the death on the early century. Though now, we have touch screens. Have you ever accidentally sent the message to the wrong person because you clicked send to the wrong one? Or accidentally typed something wrong. You ever tried to click on the hot guy or girls profile but ended up touching the wrong username and ended up some weird government ban meme page? Well that didn't happen to me, but something close enough to it did. Explaining my current fucked up disposition. To better more spell it for you guys, I'll just spell it out. A-S-H-T-O-N.

I can't understand why if you're going to call someone you don't make sure you touch the right contact. Calling people from your call log is a curse. One slip or mistaken programming interpretation can turn things in upside in less than an hour. I'll be the example, you guys will be the learners. Because right now, I'm sinking, deep.

"Who the fuck is Levi!" Ashton's voice boomed off the walls.
"It's just a mistake, Ashton. I don't know what to tell you," I walked around my living room picking up stray trash.
"So you just forgot? Huh? Isn't that the guy who you said gave you a ride? So someone gives you a ride one time Zaviana. One damn time! And you fall in love with them? Well shit let me just go start the car up and swoon you back into love with me," he glared at me from across the room.
"I didn't mean to call you—,"
"Of course you fucking didn't ! I'm not Levi." He let out a dry laugh, while throwing his head back.
"What do you want me to do? I said what I said it's not like I can take it back!" I threw my hands up, walking around the coffee table picking up the fallen remotes.
"Who is he? Where did you meet him? How do you know him? Tell me," He said.
I swallowed and wiped a beam of sweat off my head. I gathered an empty bag of potato chips in my hands and walked towards the kitchen. He stepped out in front of me, stopping my motions with his hand pushing on my shoulder.
"Answer me," he clenched his jaw.
"At the banquet." I tried to move around his grasp.
"Where at the banquet? When at the banquet? How at the banquet? Why! At the banquet," he blocked me with his chest. I realized I hadn't been this close to him, and I held onto to the tears in my throat while trying to breath without my breaths hiccuping.
"When-when I went to the bathroom...I accidentally bumped into him. I knocked over everything on the tray and it all just fell and broke. I didn't want to not help since it was my fault so I-I-I offered to help. I started picking up the broken plates and I cut my hand." I began recounting the night.
"And let me guess, he whisked you away, kissed your hand and you magically healed. Off and way you two went to live happily ever after? Right?" He cut me off.
"What's the point in even trying to explain what happened if you don't even listen to me!" I turned away from his block and stormed to my room. He followed immediately after my turn shouting words still at me as I entered the room.
"Because it makes no fucking sense, I don't care who the hell he is! What ever he's told you is a lie. What ever he's promised you, is a lie. He doesn't want anything from you but sex, and here you are going around talking about you've been thinking about him!" His voice boomed, even as I walked into the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. His hand caught it before it shut.
"What do you want me to say Ashton?" I turned around facing him. His breath was heaving, palms red and glowy.
"So you can have feelings for another man, but not me?" He looked down at me. Casting a feeling of nausea and emotions to radiate off my skin. There isn't anything I can to say to fix it. I don't know if I want it fixed, because in this moment, and only now is he actually listening to me. Was it my chance to break free from the chains that are holding me to this place? Could I use this as my key? Was it the key? I wanted my life back. It's the only thing I've been able to make a concise decision about and I knew it wasn't changing. Not by Ashton, or Levi, Kaiden, or even Leona. Nothing could make me stay in this place where I feel bound by the laws of manipulation and torment. The place I feel trapped and confined inside of. My room was merely a room, but my personal cry-box. For all I did was cry. It was dreading going to class. I was sleep-deprived. I ached for hunger, but my stomach never invited the food. I was depressed. Stuck in a position, because my life was being dangled over my head. I couldn't help but feel like in this moment, maybe I wasn't as deep in as I thought. If I left now I would have a chance to leave, but I didn't know what I'd do once I left, and that was even more scary.

Do I transfer? Go to the community near home. Did I even go back home? I mean where else would I go! I have no job, no independent money that would support me long enough to come up with a lie to tell my family. I didn't even know what or how I'd tell them about my reasonings for leaving a college that is given me every opportunity I've complained that I not only wanted, but needed in this life. Who all would disappear once I left? Would I ever talk to anyone here again? Leona or Kaiden. My teachers. Levi or Ashton. Did I drop it all and run for the heels. Leaving back everything I've accomplished. Was it even possible for me to just wain out Ashton's graduation and then come back. So that there'd be no deals or expectations from Tanner. Could it be possible that Tanner still harassed me. Without his son. Would he force me to quit college and play house with his for the reporters. The options all seem endless, with a wall 100 feet right after the second "s".
"His father doesn't threaten my life," I spoke under my breath, looking over my shoulder.
"What?" Ashton asked.
"I said, his father doesn't threaten my life. Unlike yours. Can you say the same for your father Ashton? Hm? Can you..No. See you can't. He has every fucking finger around my throat and I will not stand for it anymore. No more! I'm done. He wants to kill me? Then let him. I will not be dragged through the mud by some imbecile psychopathic racist. I'm done. We are done. This is done. One word and I will flee to every platform in seconds, telling everything. Everything, Ashton. So don't play victim here. Come to my door again? Whether it be you, or your father, or those dumb ass men! And I will shoot you all. That's right. I'll buy a gun, I'll buy knives, I'm getting an alarm system and notifying the residents in the building. I'm done playing, so like father like son, whoever I take down first? You both go down. This game is over. Now get the hell out of my house and tell your father to give back my damn truck." He looked at me stunned his knuckles crimson.
"I said get out," I repeated.  He slowly back away from the entrance of the restroom. He turned around never breaking eye contact before he closed the front door.

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* Guys, the beginning of this chapter is the way it is supposed to be. Don't point out anything about it in the comments! You're missing the objective, and giving things out! Message me, we can discuss it. It's not literal. Only Verbal Irony here and symbolism. Lol.

Don't forget to comment and VOTE!! Comments help me know which type of chapters you guys like more of and can clear up any confusion! Feel free to ask questions, I will get to them! I plan to have this book completed by like mid December! Hope to Enter it into the 2020 Watty's Award ! So Make sure to Vote and Leave Comments ♥️