Beautiful Boy ➶ l.s

17- Skinny love

However, no one wants such a strong and effective feeling to change. So what would you feel if you've ever lost that one person who made you feel like a glistening star in the sky? That person that lightens the sky with just a smile, and their laugh to you, can manage to blossom flowers. That person you see whom's so perfectly imperfect in your eyes. The person you call angel, love, darling and sweetheart. The person who loves you just as much as you love them.

Fate is something written, our stars are in the hands of it. There's always a flaw, but there's also a beauty behind it. Louis' would always say that he would like to see me happy, just as much as I make him happy. And by that, I am simply happy.

My departure have infected a disease inside of him, made him shed some tears, wear some frowns and stay so silent. How can someone so, so beautiful, manage to break into tears when all their supposed to do is smile their sunshine smile, that one that makes your day a million times better?

The fault isn't in our stars. The fault is in our story. And as our story pass by, we could only be patient. Time pass by, some say goodbye, but you promised to stay, why did I have to go away? Our set of stars are perfect together. Some shining so bright and some are simply fading away, and that's us. Even though we've been through hell, considering our pasts and lack of trust, we're stronger than Jack and Rose from Titanic, Noah and Sarah from The Notebook and most definitely bigger than Hazel and Augustus' love.

What I like about it is, their all fiction. It isn't real, which probably proves my point. We're not that kind of sappy love story, ours is a tad bit sadder. Our story is envied by so, so many. And that envious whispers and talks got us here. I don't think, I know it got us here.

Sometimes I think that life is just a test, you know? It's testing our love. To see how strong it is, how trusted we both feel together. But behind all that, I think the test have ended. Because I'm dead, Louis' depressed and our love is breaking. I always had belief that we'll always be together, not even death can drift us apart. But now that I've experienced it, it's bullshit. Yes, we'd never forget each other. But I don't think our love will stay with us forever.

There'd be a day, where someone will come to Louis, and ask him, 'do you know someone by the name of Harry Styles?', and as the question is asked, beautiful memories of ours will flash through his mind, a soft smile on his lips while answering with glassy eyes, 'I used to..' And that's what I'm scared of. Oblivion.

This may sound weird, because I don't really care about oblivion, but when it comes to Louis, it's like oblivion is my main fear. I don't want him to forget me, forget the years together, or the memories of us. I don't want him to forget me, to meet someone new, fall deeply in love and for me to be erased from his mind and heart. I don't want to, but now I know and agree, apparently life isn't a wish granting factory.

"Louis? How are you holding?" Jay asked the fragile boy next to me, her tone dripped of pure sadness.

"I'm fine mom, I just miss him.." A sob escaped his rosy lips, ones that I really missed to kiss, but rather than my aching heart, I couldn't help the tears that rolled down my cheeks.

"Don't you think it's time to forget him?..." She asked, and a panic have settled inside my chest.

"No! Lou, don't! You can't forget this easily, baby, please..." I plead, tears streaming down my face as my hands cupped his cheeks.

"I think it's time... But what if I can't forget him? What if I simply can't erase his adorable grin from my mind or his captivating emerald eyes that I fell in love with? What then?..." He asked, his pale cheeks are now flushed; eyes red from crying as his beautiful smile that never left his lips are now into a deep frown, and I couldn't help the pang of guilt that hit me straight in my heart.

"Then if you can't forget him; you don't. Fate will find a way for you two to reunite.." She smiled slightly, a tears fell down her cheek would she quickly wiped away; God dammit, am I really causing this much pain?

He simply nodded, leaning into her touch as she brushed his fringe away from his eyes, hugging him as he sobbed loudly, every tears and sob is like a million stab to my heart, what should I do now?

I need to talk to the angel. The one in my dreams every night; I need to ask him what should I do to be with the one I love again? But something's telling me, this isn't going to be easy. At all.

-

18.9.14

Dear Harry,

I'm sorry for not writing you; my mind have been stocked. With thoughts and memories of us, weren't we a forever? You once said that you'll always be here for me, no matter what happens. And data have happened, yet you're not here.

Listening to Skinny Love by Birdy isn't helping the pain to swell away. You're memory will stay tuned in my mind. A love combined with trust and bravery. Because you said that, you told me we were brave.

But things do only fade away, to as you have left to go. I'm standing right here, waiting for your call. I know this sound crazy, but how can I forget you? The person who've taught me to live my life?

Please take care, I'll try to forget. But I wouldn't bear, it's just a set. Of knifes in my heart, how could you leave? You promised me a forever, yet you broke my heart, how could you ever?

Please understand, that I'm trying to forget you. To forget the laugh, to forget the smiles. To forget the tears, to forget the promises. So could you please help me? I can't seem to be strong. Cause baby, without you? My world is just so wrong.

With a trusted heart and final goodbye,

Lou x.

***

i know. i suck dick for not updating in about a week. but cut me some slack, yeah? eid came by and i just got too caught up in everything, i have more than 15 notifications on kik and 20+ on twitter and idk how much on snapchat and other social media's 😩 sometimes I just hate social media): oh, and this chapter doesn't include much talking, more like a long speech from Harry's p.o.v.

I DYED MY HAIR A HAZEL OMBRÉ YASSS!

so yeah, you could say i have cried writing this. because i poured some of my feelings in it too. and listening to skinny love by birdy made it 10000 times worse.

i've decided on ghost harry, but this won't be the kind where they'll reunite and live happily ever after bullshit. this is a sad story. end of discussion.

i honestly appreciate all what you've done, it only made me stronger. and you guys, you're my gorgeous girls and life savers, you mean the world to me and i only wish that you know that because it's true, you're comments make me smile so wide i forget the pain of yesterday, so thank you 😿💜

Until next time,

Dana x