The Fifteenth Year

May: Part 1

We were all born into this world. We came in gasping for air, and we are gasping still. It's a tough place to make a living, a hard place to make a life. Beauty and terror. Pain and  healing. Intertwined. The good news is that Life wins out. Life has already won out. Love has won out. - Stasi Eldredge

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Sunday, May 1, 2005

Dear Friend,

There's only five weeks of school left. I cannot believe freshman year is almost over. Am I excited to move forward? Absolutely. I'm so anxious to see my grades. My report card better freaking dazzle. I've worked my butt off this year - having cram sessions with Chloe or Harriet, reading on weekends I would've liked to see Jason or my friends more, missing extra sleep, etc. Plus if I blow it my first year in high school, Hopkins will be a distant memory. Gonna have to find a new dream, right? Ugh. I'm being dramatic.

I will miss Miss Burgess. She's been a wonderful teacher. I'll miss Harriet if I don't get a classroom with her next year. I hope she'll want to stay in touch.

I've learned so much this year and not just academically. I've learned nemesis' aren't everything they seem. I've learned guys can get a clue and go out with you. I've learned teachers aren't all out to ruin your life. I've learned that my family is not something to take for granted. I've learned that my friends are more than just friends - they are all admirable people. I've learned that working hard, waiting, and looking for the good in others and in me pays off.

Monday, May 2, 2005

Dear Friend,

With prom around the corner, it's insane at school. With banners as a reminder, ticket booths closed, morning announcements that the event is taking place at the rented out Raley Field (the Sacramento River Cats play there in the hopes that they will drafted into the pros - the San Francisco Giants) and we'll be served catered food. Dateless girls are pouting and embarrassed. Girls are going out with guys they don't want, but will because he asked and no one else did. Girls are going with friends and pretending they're okay with it. Girls are talking non-stop about their dates and how it he's going to get to second base or further, 'he better make damn sure I'm buzzed enough first.' Nice. It's madness here. 

I'm happy and flattered Jason asked, but it isn't about prom for me. It's about him. I wouldn't have cared about going if I didn't have the date I wanted. But these girls are acting like their social ladder and life happiness depends on this supposed fantasy. Prom ends up being such a cliché for most people anyway. It almost makes me wish that prom wasn't invented. It sets girls up for unrealistic expectations and failure to achieve all the glory of being a Cinderella and getting a perfect enchanting evening. And it sets guys up with douche intentions of getting laid and spiking the punch bowl. The truth is, we are all way too immature for this honor. All this money is for a great end of the year bash and we don't appreciate it. We get hammered, do things we regret, get into fights, and end up feeling smaller when we leave than when we first got there. It doesn't prepare you for the future, it doesn't make problems go away, and it certainly doesn't show all the best sides of yourself if you do into it thinking it'll be the night you fall in love and everything becomes perfect. I'm going so I can dance with my boyfriend. I'm going because he asked. And I'm going because it's been my dream since I was eight years old to go to the prom with Jason Conners. And I'm going to enjoy it the right way.