The Fifteenth Year

February: Part 4

Saturday, February 5, 2005

Dear Friend,

Tonight there was a knock at the door. I could hear it from my room while I was doing homework. I heard my mom's voice inaudibly downstairs while she answered the door. Speaking back was Jason's muffled voice. I immediately threw my history book aside and quietly opened my bedroom door.

"He's in the living room," my mom answered wearily, letting Jason in.

Yes. Thank God our front door foyer is connected directly to our living room. I would be able to hear everything. What was going on? Jason was here to see my dad?

"Mr. Wallace?" Jason called, as he probably entered the living room.

I tiptoed out of my room and sat at the top of the stairs.

I could hear my dad sigh. "Oh. Jason. Uh, come in. Have a seat."

Jason took a seat on the couch while my dad pulled up a chair to sit across from him.

My dad spoke first. "Listen, I uh...I'm sorry that I was short with you before. My behavior wasn't favorable. But understand that the place it came from I cannot apologize for."

"I can respect that," Jason answered. "Mr. Wallace, I just want you to know I'm here on my own account. Cassie doesn't know that I'm here."

She does now.

"Go on," my dad said.

"I have three reasons why I'm here."

"I'm listening."

"Well, first of all, I would like to apologize to you. For what you witnessed and the manner in which you witnessed it. I would never want to disrespect you or Mrs. Wallace like that in your house. My parents would be ashamed about that. I need you to know that you and Mrs. Wallace have been family to me over the years. You, Brendan, and Jeremy. But not Cassie. Cassie has been more than family to me. It took a long time for that to dawn on me, and that's something I've apologized to her for."

"Your parents don't know?" My dad had surprise in his voice. No doubt he was glaring at Jason intimidating, eyebrows raised.

"No, sir."

"Why not?"

"Because as of now - with all due respect, sir - you've made it clear that there's nothing to share with them."

My dad scoffed. "You had two more things to say?"

"Yes," Jason said. He let out a breath before he continued. "Cassie is an incredible girl."

"Yes, she is."

"I know how much you love her. How much you want to take care of her. But your love and desire to take care of her doesn't mean that nobody else feels that way about her or can fulfill that for her too."

"Jason, you're not a father. As much as you may want to, you could never possibly fathom what a father feels responsible for...what he loves...what he yearns for his child. His little girl."

"Noted."

"There's no love like the love a parent has for their child. It's terrifying. My three kids are my blessings. They've been God's mercy on me in my life. Every time I look at them, I see all the love and dreams I have for them."

"Cassie hasn't given up on her dreams, sir. Or yours. I think you've made her feel like if she doesn't go to Hopkins - whether it be someplace else or nowhere else - that you won't be proud of her."

"Of course I'm proud of her. I'm always proud of her." His tone turned warning. "Watch where you step, Jason."

"I don't mean disrespect, Mr. Wallace. I'm sorry. My point is, Cassie doesn't even have to go to college to be incredible. She's already there. She's blossoming here. In school, in her integrity and kindness towards other people. I've seen it. And she's blossoming in her relationship with me. Or...she was." He sighed. "She'll be successful wherever she lands. You're a wonderful parent and Cassie is a walking demonstration of that."

Yeesh. He was good. I didn't know whether to be flattered or terrified of the ballsyness he was displaying to my father. Regardless, it was hot.

My dad sighed. "I appreciate that, Jason. Thank you. And your third thing?"

"I was hoping you'd change your mind. I would very much like your blessing to date your daughter. And it if it's something about me you have a problem with, that's fine. But whether she's here or in college, she'll be inclined to date somebody. I ask that you allow her to feel the freedom to do so. Whether it be with me or some other guy."

My dad cleared his throat. "May I have the floor now?"

"Please," Jason encouraged.

"You're a fine boy, Jason. It especially doesn't hurt that I know where you come from. Your parents done good with you. If Cassie were older, I would have no problem with her dating someone like you. God knows she could do a hell of a lot worse. You'll be an upstanding man for her. Someday." My dad stood, hinting the conversation was over. 

Jason sighed. "Doug, I care about her so deeply."

My dad sighed now. "Come back when she's out of high school. She can't juggle both right now."

Jason's voice was kind. "You're wrong, sir." Then I could hear the rustling of him grabbing his jacket off the back of the couch.

I quickly hid behind a wall and heard him leave.

I closed my eyes, my breaths trembling. It was a valiant effort, Jason. I couldn't have done it any better. But just as I suspected, it wasn't enough.