Going Nowhere [Watty 2014 Winner] Coming soon to Galatea

Chapter Seventeen - Too Real

"Please"

"Good, I'll bring a change of clothes.." he smiled bending down to kiss me softly on the lips

"Okay"

"I love you"

"You too"

Xavier left, and after I called work I lay in bed for a while longer. The longer I lay there was the longer I could fool myself into thinking that there was absolutely no chance I was pregnant. We had been so careful, it had only been my first time. Was good old Murphy's law so far out to get me that this could happen?

I forced myself back to reality around 10.30 and got out of bed. I drove to a pharmacy.

I felt strange walking through the isles. When I got to the pregnancy tests I almost died. There were so many to choose from. That I just didn't know what to get. Finally I settled on a generic test. I was already late. 5 days late. Later that I had ever been, ever.

Nervously I approached the counter.

"Just this and a ECP please" I hurried my words out, but managed to speak without stuttering, my skin burned from embarrassment.

"Uh miss, if you're needing a pregnancy test, it might be a little late for the ECP" the chemist explained lifting the test to scan it. I eyeballed her, unable to speak. My face must have looked angry because she nodded, turned and grabbed the pill box from behind her.

"You need to take this within 72 hours of unprotected intercourse. On in the morning, and the other 12 hours later. You have to take both pills or you run the risk of pregnancy"

"Uh.. thanks"

I paid for the items and left. Once I was home I placed the ECP on the bench and walked down the hallway to the bathroom. I read the instructions three times, then opened the package that the stick was enclosed in. I followed the instructions scrupulously. Then placed it down on the sink and cleaned myself up.

I paced the floor of my bathroom for 3 full minutes then walked gingerly over to the sink where I had left the test.

I closed my eyes and picked it up. This is it Jackson....

I let my eyes flicker open. Two lines. What did two lines mean? I'd read the instructions so many times, but had neglected the results meaning. I picked up the box, on the back the results were drawn with pretty illustrations. One line = Not Pregnant. Two lines equaled = SHIT.

Stress induced nausea rose in my gut. I threw the test in the sick and backed away from it, as if distancing myself from the test made it any less real. I was pregnant.

I wasn't ready for this, and I knew Xavier wasn't either. The timing was so off that it wasn't funny.

It was too soon for us, he was going on tour, and I had hoped to go with him. A baby would change everything. Changes I wasn't ready for. I wanted to be a mother someday, but not now. Not yet.

I ran from the room, from the house, I sat in my car, I wanted to drive, but I wasn't sure where to go. My heart thumped and my stomach swirled. Finally I turned the car on and drove to the beach. I sat there staring out at the waves crashing, wondering how it would feel against me if I walked out there, would I stop feeling so overwhelmed. Would it be like my dream, would I eventually not be able to get back up again. I shook the thoughts from my head and tried to relax... it was futile.

DJ called at 1pm but I let the call go to voice mail. Then Xavier tried shortly after that. I couldn't face reality at the moment. Talking to anyone meant I'd accepted that this was real. That this pregnancy was a thing. Even if they didn't know it yet.