Honest

6

I only thought of you and me
And never anything else
The time we spent together kept me sane
You helped me to be myself
What I didn't realize is that
The distance was breaking your heart
You put on your best disguise
But it was tearing you apart, baby
It was...
Selfish
Of me to give you my love
And tell you that we would never be undone
Selfish
To want you here everyday
We both knew we were much too far Selfish
To think there was nothing wrong with me
Helplessly hanging on to you
Selfish
My heart was stuck in denial
There were too many miles between us
—

Standing in Mason's bathroom, Deja leaned against the sink while she took small, slow sips from the bottle of liquor she kept in her purse.

As she had been doing for the past couple of days now, she kept the bottle of alcohol with her at all times, and she would drink enough of it whenever she felt the need, in order to make herself numb.

She couldn't believe she had cried and spilled out her heart to Mason in the car just one hour ago. She hated herself for doing that, because she knew that she had put him in the very situation she never wanted him to be in. She let her heart speak for her when it should have been her brain that did the talking, and she hated herself for making that mistake.

Taking another swallow of her drink, she carefully screwed the cap back on and put the bottle right back in her purse.

Walking out of the bathroom, she glanced at Mason since he was sitting on the couch, waiting for her to come back out.

"You want any of this?" He asked, referring to the food he had ordered.

"No thanks. I'm not hungry right now." She said as she took a seat next to him.

Nodding, he turned to face her and frowned slightly when he realized that she wasn't looking at him at all.

"Look Mason." She sighed. "I'm sorry for what happened in the car. I shouldn't have said any of that. It was stupid and selfish of me to do and I apologize."

Staring at her, he just shook his head and stared down at the cushion between them.

"But what you said is exactly how you feel." He said. "And you know me, the last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt you. Deja... I haven't been happy since the day you left me. I was dying inside without you being here, because you were all I've ever known. You were my first best friend. You were the first girl I fell in love with. You were my first kiss, and we damn near almost lost our virginity to one another. So fuck... I know we were never officially together, but I was still broken after your mom took you away."

"I know, Mason." She sighed, feeling her emotions kick in all over again. "And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"You don't have shit to be sorry for, Deja. Your mom found out what Jeff's punk ass was doing to you, and if you leaving meant that you were safe, then that's all that mattered to me. I knew you were good."

Closing her eyes, she had to force herself to hold back the sob that so badly wanted to come out. What he was saying wasn't the truth, but that was her fault. She lied to him before she left because that's what she had to do. She couldn't tell him the truth about the things that were happening to her behind closed doors. She had already tainted his mind enough with the fact that Jeff was molesting her... she couldn't tell him when things got worse. She just couldn't bear to put that hurt on him.