Like I Do - Camren

Chapter 31

Camila's POV
Although I had said we wouldn't do anything, mine and Lauren's makeout session got very heated very quickly. Who was I to stop the girl, anyways? Soon enough, though, we both decided to go to sleep, though it was already almost five in the morning.

I didn't wake up until closer to noon, and I found cuddled up to me a very naked Lauren. I smiled and kissed her forehead, causing her to stir. "Morning." She mumbled sleepily before yawning. "Morning. I'm gonna take a shower." I slide out of bed and turn to see Lauren staring at me before I realize that I am naked as well. Blushing, I quickly head to my attached bathroom.

Ten minutes into my shower, I was about to get out when a warm hand made contact with my back. Jumping, I turned to the source. "Sorry to startle you, I just figured we could, y'know, save water." She chuckled at her own comment. I nodded and with that, it turned into one of my most eventful showers.

After getting dressed for the day, deciding not to smoke with Lauren over, I walked towards the kitchen, noticing that everything had been straightened up, making the place actually look clean, and the curtains had been drawn. Lauren, who had finished getting ready a bit before me, seemed to be making food.

After eating, I decided now would be the best time to talk to Lauren. "Hey, Lo?" I called, and she hummed, turning to face me, just finishing up cleaning our dishes. "Can we talk?" I ask, and she visibly gets nervous. "Yeah, of course." She joins me, sitting on the couch about a foot away.

"What's on your mind, beautiful?" She asks. "I just want to know what exactly we are doing. I mean, we never broke up but I felt like that might have been implied at one point?" I begin, and she looks down. "Well, I think maybe we should. Break up." She says, almost hesitantly.

I feel my heart stop at the suggestion. This isn't where this was supposed to go. "But... what about last night? And you said you still have feelings for me..." I feel the lump in my throat growing. "Camila, you need to see where I'm coming from right now. Yes, I still have feelings for you but I'm trying not to. I can't trust that you'll never pull that crap you pulled, not talking to me after telling me you probably didn't have feelings for me. That put me through way too much."

After Lauren finished talking, I felt betrayed. "What? You're trying not to? But you didn't say that last night... I thought that we would work this out. I believed you. I trusted you. I literally gave you my virginity last night because you said you still had feelings for me." I tried to remain calm but tears were streaming down my face at this point.

"Camz, you have to understand. It's not healthy for me to be doing this." She said, keeping a more calm persona than I could. "No. Fuck you. And don't call me that. You think it's healthy for me? I have had to go through this alone because I felt like I couldn't tell you guys in case you got sick of me." I say, trying to get in control with my emotions but failing miserably.

"Camila. You're not understanding-" "No. You're not understanding. I haven't self harmed since I last saw you, because I was hoping that maybe you would take me back when you saw how well I was doing. Yeah, I was high all the time but I was doing better. And now what? You're done with me?" I sob, and Lauren tries to reach out towards me, causing me to pull away.

"Camila. I'm so sorry. I had no idea..." She starts backtracking, but I can't take it. "No. I need you to leave." I stand abruptly, startling the sitting girl, who stands as well. I guide her to the door as she protests, and when I get there I open it. "Camz..." She begins. "Don't fucking call me that." I all but push her out the door and close it in her face.

Tears stream down my face as I lean my back against the door, sliding down. She doesn't want me anymore. I'm not enough. I thought. I was crying uncontrollably at this point. I knew what I needed to do, thought. Standing up, I made my way to the bathroom, grabbing my razor and pulling the blade out. I stared at the metal object fantasizing about how it would feel on my skin. I almost did it, but I stopped myself.

This is why she doesn't want you anymore. Instead of pressing the blade into my scarred arm, I threw it hard against the wall. I began to throw the few things on the counter around the room, and it made me feel better, so I started for my living room.

Grabbing the vase from the coffee table, I threw it at the tv, successfully shattering both objects. I kicked over the glass-top coffee table, shattering that as well. As I made my way around the room, breaking and throwing everything I could, I felt the shards of glass dig deep into my feet. I finally made my way over the the giant window-wall and grabbed a dining chair. I paused for a second, breathing hard. She doesn't want you. Rang in my mind, and before I knew it I had thrown the chair in the giant window. Hard. It broke a hole big enough for a person.

I turned to look at the destruction I had caused, and it admittedly had made me feel better. The sound of the giant window shattering behind me startled me, and I turned to watch it.

At that moment, I knew what I had to do. Not for Lauren, or Dinah, or the girls, but for myself. I walked into my room and packed a bag of just clothes. Dropping my phone on the floor, I stomped on it until it broke, then I grabbed my bag and left my apartment.

Los Angeles Institute of Mental Health the building read in big bold letters. I made my way inside, to the nurse working reception. This was the right thing to do.