Tear In My Heart ✔️

XXXII. Stares (edited)

This made me grin, which he returned before he continued his work and we remained in a comfortable silence.

***

"Babe, don't lie to me, this is terrible," I whined as I looked at the disfigured drawing I'd made compared to Madison's flawless masterpiece.

He laughed. "Baby, it's not that bad! It's just your first time."

"I know, but I usually master things my first time," I pouted.

Madison smiled and kissed me. "You sure do."

I blushed.

"But for real, that's not a healthy mindset to have."

"I know, I know," I sighed before I reached for his sketch pad, but he relented. "Baby, please. I like seeing what you draw. You're amazing at it."

He bit his bottom lip and flipped it over in his mind.

"I promise that I won't judge, okay? I mean, how can I with my skills, or lack thereof?" I chuckled and he grinned.

"Okay," he finally said as he handed me his book. "But just...keep your promise and please don't judge."

He seemed bashful and nervous. Cute. I kissed his nose like he'd done to me this morning. "Of course not, my love." He wrapped his arms around my waist and gently pulled me into his lap, very careful since we were both still vulnerable, before he rested his chin on my shoulder and watched as I cracked open his sketchbook. As I looked over the simple sketches that quickly became more and more details and complex, I felt like I was being exposed to a whole other part of Madison. A part he didn't really let anyone see. It was wild and creative and warped in a good way. It was him. And I loved it. Then, I got to the section where there were drawings of me, some of them just me by myself and others with him with me. Us holding hands, us kissing, the day of my assault right before we left, me asleep at the hospital. Everything. But then when I flipped to the very last drawing he'd made, I froze. It was a drawing of me from last night. My eyes were closed and sweat drenched my body. I wasn't asleep, but rather I was still in the moment, pure ecstasy and bliss evident on my face and my body bare. This was me from Madison's point of view.

"Oh my gosh, Madison..." I trailed as I took in the picture. I couldn't put what I felt into words.

"I know, it might be weird but I just wanted to remember our first time and–"

I interrupted him by kissing him, gently cupping his cheek as I did. We held it before he pulled away, a confused look on his face. "Wait, so you're not mad or disgusted?"

"Of course not, baby. I'm honored."

He smiled. "Good, but don't ever scare me like that again."

I chuckled as I turned my body and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, but you know what?" He softly said. "I think I need some more inspiration. I want to start a series of you just like you were in that drawing. Would you care to make some more art?"

I smiled and shook my head, though it killed me to. "I'm sorry, babe, but I can't. I know you're not that religious but...I don't know, I just wanna wait until we're married to do this again. I mean, don't get me wrong, I loved last night and I love you, it's just...I'm sorry, I know I'm being a prude, especially after everything we've done but..." I trailed, my words failing me before I sighed and looked up at him. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "Don't be. We can still make art in many different ways. I vote for getting naked, throwing paint at over our bodies, and painting this whole apartment and maybe creating some new colors."