Tear In My Heart ✔️

XIV. I'm Sorry (edited)

I swallowed as fear started clawing its way up my throat. We if he outed us? What if he fired me? What about Madison?

"As you could imagine I was shocked and confused when I saw this. I was mad even," he said with a small chuckle. "But then I remembered that this isn't my Madison. This isn't my boy, no." He shook his head and stroked his facial hair, disdain and reluctance evident in his eyes as they bore into mine. "He's like this because of you."

My heart dropped into the soles of my feet and it felt like an elephant was standing on my chest, making each breath harder than the last. Fear pumped through my veins and though the door was behind me begging for me to run through it and never look back, I was stuck in place like a victim of Medusa. Mr. Williams stood up, his eyes locked with mine. He was going to hurt me. For "making his son gay".

I was terrified.

And even as he approached me and put a hand on both of my shoulders, I couldn't move or speak and all of my self-defense tactics left my head, leaving me with nothing but white noise and an overwhelming fear.

"Now Noah, look. I know you're a good kid and have a good work ethic. I just think that you're confused and you decided to take that confusion and direct it toward my son. I know you haven't had much luck with girls as your Nonna tells me, which is honestly shocking, but what will not happen is you turning my son gay, inteso(understood)?  I mean, it would be a shame if your Nonna and church were to find out about this, since I'm guessing she doesn't know considering that your still living with her. And I'd hate to have to discipline you myself, but I will if you don't stay away from my son." By the end, his voice was dark and low, sending a shiver down my spine. "Are we clear?"

I swallowed. I could either continue being with someone who I was very much in love with, or risk being outed, shunned, and possibly even beaten. I didn't want to hurt Madison. In fact that was the last thing I'd ever want to do, but Ithe thought of being outed made me nauseous. No matter how badly I wanted to force myself to come out, I couldn't. I wasn't ready. And when the time came that I was ready to be out, I wanted it done my way. But the very thought of Madison brought me so much joy. His voice brought me comfort and every terribly inappropriate joke made me smile more in those few seconds than the past eighteen years combined. I couldn't give that up. Maybe I could work around this. His dad will watch us closely for the first few weeks or months, but after that we should be out of the woods as long as we were extra cautious, right? Plus, despite the ugliness Mr. Williams was displaying, I didn't want to ruin his relationship with his dad, especially when I'd do just about anything to get my own back, nor did I want to put his safety at risk.

The decision was clear: fake it until you make it...or that's what I told myself.

I slowly nodded, my heart still racing out of fear that he'd see right through my facade. I looked in his eyes, waiting to see a flicker of anger so I could book it out of the office and never see him again, but it never came. "Good," he said clapping me on the shoulder. "I've already changed your work schedule so that you won't be in the same shifts as Madison. I don't know what you two were but it ends right now. I wanna see you call him or text him or whatever you kids these days do. I just need my son to snap out of this and whatever you decide to do with yourself and you sexuality, you do on your own."

My heart dropped through the floor. No, no, I couldn't do it. This would crush him and I wouldn't have the time to explain myself since his father would be watching us like a hawk and that might include our texts. "Come on, Noah. The sooner we do this, the sooner you can help yourself. Or I could simply call your Nonna and the two of you can handle this. The choice is yours."

My heart sank even more as I slowly nodded and reluctantly opened my texts.

Me (16:57): I'm sorry Madison, but I can't do this anymore. My heart was breaking more and more with each character I typed. I shouldn't have dragged you into my confusion and I don't want you to waste your life because of me. Mi dispiace. (I'm sorry) As soon as I hit send, I blocked his number and turned my phone off. I had to hold back a choked sob and quickly blink away my tears. It felt like Mr. Williams had savagely ripped my heart from my chest and watching with sick satisfaction as I bled out before hi,.