Tear In My Heart ✔️

XVI. Acceptance (edited)

I attached a song to the top of this chapter and I suggest listening to it while you read because I feel that it really embodies the chapter. Happy reading my lovelies.
***
It'd been a week and a half since my forced breakup with Madison, and each day was becoming harder and harder to bare, especially passing by his house almost everyday but not being able to hold him. It was pure torture. To make matters even worse, every time I came in for work, Mr. Williams would have a satisfied grin on his face, causing anger to surge through me but I kept the urge to punch him at bay. It was already bad enough that I'd lost my boyfriend and the last thing I needed was to be arrested for assault.

I'd gone to church on Sunday, and luckily they'd gotten over that "damn every member of the LGBTQ+ community to hell" thing they had gone on the previous week, but I still felt a sense of fear when I entered. Even though no one knew about me, assuming that Mr. Williams kept his promise and didn't tell anyone anything, I felt like I had a huge pride flag stamped on my forehead.

"Come on, Noah! It's pizza day!" Connor announced in a song-song voice as he led me toward the cafeteria.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," I mumbled as I stumbled alongside him. I was extremely grateful for Connor. He'd been staying by my side and offering me support, though he knew when to back off. Mr. Hill was constantly checking in on me as well, continuously offering to beat up Mr. Williams on my beheald. I was extremely glad to have two people who knew my secret and stand in my corner.

As soon as we were in line, Abbi came bounding over to us before she wrapped her arms around Connor and shamelessly kissed him, not caring who was watching. Connor smiled against her lips before pulling away. "I missed you." He placed a gentle kiss on the tip of her nose, causing her to smile.

"I missed you too," she said before she placed one more quick kiss on his lips then laced their fingers together. She'd been back from her break for a while, but every time they saw each other it was she'd just gotten back from a year long trip. And I kind of envied it–being lovestruck teenagers not being ashamed to display PDA. I looked away and swallowed down my envy and loneliness. I couldn't show that this was bothering me or else Connor would keep Abbi at an arm's length around me and that was the last thing any of us wanted. He was in love with her, it was obvious, and I didn't want to get in the way of that.

"Hey Noah," Abbi politely greeted, causing my head to snap up as a faux smile instantly graced my lips.

"Hey Abbi. How was your trip?"

We spent the rest of our impossibly long wait in the lunch line talking about Abbi's trip to visit her grandparents' farm. However, it quickly transformed into me watching her and Connor quickly kiss each other or gaze into each other's eyes like love sick puppies. I had to get out of there or the tears I kept vigorously blinking away were going to make their presence known. So, as soon as we got to our table with the other boys, I quickly downed my pizza before I effortlessly lied about having to go get help from my math teacher. And three minutes later, I was sitting in the stairwell feverishly wiping away the tears that were silently sliding down my cheeks and trying to calm my raging Madison-centered thoughts. Needless to say that neither worked.

I found myself wandering into Mr. Hill's room since I knew it was his planning period and as soon as he saw my tear stained face, he wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug and I completely broke down. I found myself releasing heavy sobs into his chest, my tears undoubtedly staining his light blue dress shirt, but he didn't seem to care as he simply held me closer and gently rubbed my back the way my father had when I was younger and I'd cry after I lost a soccer game.

By the time I was done, I was breathing heavily and my body was physically shaking. "Sit down," Mr Hill instructed as he pulled a chair out for me right in front of me before he grabbed a small water bottle from his mini fridge and handed it to me. I offered him a silent nod as a thanks as I took it from his hands, but made no effort to actually open it. I was still shaking too much. "Do you wanna talk about it, Noah?" he softly asked as he pulled up a chair for himself.