Tear In My Heart ✔️

XVII. I Need You Now (edited)

My heart was racing in my chest. There were so many words I wanted to say. So many questions, so many apologies, but only one thing came out of my mouth. "What are you doing here?" It was barely a whisper, but I knew he'd heard it based on the way he'd walked by me and closed the door before locking it. He meant business.

He cupped my cheek and I could see vulnerability in his eyes. "We need to talk," he repeated, his eyebrows furrowing as something that resembled hurt swam in his eyes. My heart sank. "Noah I...why did you do it? Especially over text after what we've been through. I don't understand. Did I say something or do something wrong or–"

"Of course you didn't do anything wrong, Madison," I said as I placed a hand on top of his on my cheek, unable to hear him beat himself up. He was so close I could kiss him. "Look, I really really want to be with you, but I just...I can't, okay?"

"What is it, Noah? Why did you pull away so suddenly?" He softly pressed, his voice sounding like pure music to my ears. "Are you stressed being closeted? Is it your church or–"

"No, Mads, it's just..." I trailed, the truth burning on the tip of my tongue but I swallowed it down. Madison had his father while I didn't have either one of my parents, and though his father may be homophobic, I didn't want to be the one who broke up their relationship. I looked down. "I can't talk about this, I'm sorry. Please just drop it and go, okay?"

"I will if you tell me you feel nothing when I do this." Before I could blink, his lips were on mine in a tender, intimate kiss. Without realizing it, our lips were moving in perfect sync and his hand had travelled from my cheek to gently gripping the back of my neck. My heart flipped. I'd missed this. After a few moments, he pulled away and looked into my eyes, begging me to say something, but I couldn't. There were no words in the world to explain to him exactly how much I'd missed him or how badly it hurt me to be away from him. But before I could even begin to construct a sentence, his eyes turned hard and cold as his jaw set. "Looks like I've got my answer," he flatly said before he turned and made a move toward my door.

My heart dropped. No. No. I knew that if I let him walk out that door, he'd be out of my life. For good. And that wasn't an option. I quickly grabbed his shoulder and turned him around, but his expression hadn't changed. "Noah, I–"

"Of course I feel something when we kiss. I feel everything when we kiss or touch or when we're simply together, and I hated being apart. It was pure hell, so I'm not about to let you walk out of that door, Madison. Not now, not ever because..." I trailed before I cupped his cheeks, committing to the words that were about to come out of my mouth. "Because I love you, Madison and it killed me to hurt you the way I did."

The coldness melted from Madison's features as he became soft again. "Then why did you do it?" He whispered as he placed his hands on top of mine, the feeling of his hands on mine making my knees weak. "Why put me through the heartbreak? Why ignore all my calls and texts and leave me wondering what I did wrong? Why make me hate myself?" My heart instantly broke for him and I felt guilty and stupid for putting him through all of that because I was afraid of his monstrous dad.

His dad. The reason this all happened.

The man I was tired of being afraid of.

And it was time for Madison to know.

I took a deep breath and looked him in the eye. "I did it because your dad made me." Silence was my only response as Madison pulled away from me, his eyes full of disbelief as he slowly backed away from me.

"He what?" He lowly asked, a mixture of anger and confusionpulsing through his words I'd never heard before that caused a shiver to run down my spine.