Tear In My Heart ✔️

XVIII. Make Me Forget (edited)

I added a song with this chapter called "Talk Me Down" by Troye Sivan. I feel like it really adds to the vibe of this chapter so listen to it while you read if you'd like

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My heart was beating out of my chest as I held the phone impossibly closer to my ear. I frantically looked for my car keys, but it was as if they'd grown legs and run away. "It's okay, Mads. I'll be there soon. I love you so much," I softly comforted through the phone, my heart rapidly beating in my chest. He responded with sobs and broken "I love you too"s. Where were they? I was running out of time.

"Noah, dear, where are you going?" My Nonna asked as I passed the living room where she was settled with her knitting needles.

"Somewhere important," I rushed out, desperately looking around the living room. Come on. Come on. 

"Noah, where are you going?" She asked more firmly, her needles clutched tightly in her hands and her gaze on me.

"I just said that I need to go somewhere important," I snapped, annoyance seeping into my words. "You don't need to know exactly where I'm going all the time, Nonna. Can't I have a bit of privacy, please?"

"Noah Lorenzo Bruno, you will not speak to me like that," she snapped, her voice raising. "What's your problem? I don't know what's gotten into lately, but you need to knock it off. Sneaking around, being secretive, lying about where you are. I know some of these things come with growing up, but you're pushing your boundaries and it stops now. Now, tell me where you're going this instant, giovanotto (young man) and lose your attitude or there will be consequences, understood?"

I found myself scoffing as anger boiled with my chest. She'd never opposed me going anywhere up until now, the one moment I truly needed her to not care. "You know what? The problem is that my boyfriend is in trouble and I need to get to him now." The words slipped past my lips out of anger and once my brain had registered what I'd said, the horror of the realization of my words dawned on me. But, at the same time, I felt an unmatched relief wash over me as the weight of this secret lifted off my chest. Although it wasn't the ideal circumstances, I was out. Freed. But the joy didn't last long once I saw my Nonna's shocked expression. A look that resembled disdain filled her eyes as she opened her mouth to chastise me. The anger quickly came back. "Before you say it, this isn't a phase or a cry for attention. I love him. I love him more than I've loved anyone in my life and I know you and the church think I'm an abomination that should be damned to hell as if who I like dictates my relationship with God, trust me I know, so there's no need to waste your breath."

By the end, I was taking heavy breaths and my body was slightly shaking as my Nonna pressed her lips together in a thin line before finally saying, "Noah..." but she didn't say anything else.

I looked her in the eyes, my heart slightly sinking due to the answer I knew I was going to receive, but I was hoping, praying that I was wrong. "Nonna, can you honestly look me in the eyes and tell me you love me the same even though I'm gay?" She opened her mouth to respond, but quickly closed it and looked down. Tears formed in my eyes but I quickly blinked them away. I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry. "That's what I thought," I spat, but my voice betrayed me by slightly cracking at the end before I stormed toward the door, thankful to find my keys in the key bowl so I could go straight to Madison without spending any extra time in that toxic house.

I hurriedly climbed into my car and jammed the key in the ignition before I put my phone on speaker and messily pulled out of my driveway. "Madison, babe you still there?" I gently asked.

"Yeah," his weak voice softly said. "And I heard everything."

I swallowed as I quickly drove down the street. "It's okay, Mads. I'll be there soon. Just stay on the phone with me. You don't have to say anything, I just want to make sure you're safe, okay?"