What's eating you?

Chapter 19

* Few days Later *

*Jacky's Pov*

I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. My skin was still a eerie color pale, but a slight color was slowly creeping it's way back in the slight proof I was trying to get better.

This is what 90 pounds looks like. Are you sure you want to keep gaining weight? Remember bones are perfection.

I ran my hands over my sunken in stomach. I could still count the number of ribs that ran along the front of my body. The skin around my collar bone was still stretched tight, and the veins around my neck are still very noticeable. Overall I still looked pretty sick, and felt even sicker. My immune system was shot to hell after the crazy roller coaster of a diet I put my body on, and I've barley be able to fight off every common  that was thrown my way.

Losing a few pounds won't hurt.

I closed my eyes and drew in a slow deep breath. No, I losing weight won't help me at all. Always being sick, the coughing, the unbearable pain that seems to burn in the base of my stomach, it's not worth it at all.

But your so close to reaching perfection.

A hard lump began to form in the base of my throat. I couldn't slip up now, not when everything is going so good for me. I clenched my hands into a tight fist and rested my head on the edge of the marble counter. Just take slow steady breaths, I repeated to myself.

Just a few pounds away.

I know I'm suppose to call for someone to help me when I start hearing her voice, but it seem I couldn't bring myself too. I didn't want to feel weak anymore. I need to get through this my self. Prove to everyone, they wouldn't have to watch my twenty four seven to make sure I wasn't going to puke up my food.

So close.

I felt hot vomit creep up the back of my throat. No, this couldn't be happening. I clenched so tight my fingers began to ache. No, no,no.

Just one more pound.

I pressed my fingers tightly against my temples and called out. "MOM!" I cried. Everything in the house seemed to go silent for a split second. It suddenly sounded like a fret train was barreling it's way down the hallways.  " I'm coming! Don't worry! just got to get past these boxes!" She pushed open the bathroom door,  stumbling in like a crazy woman.  I stared at her wide eyes. My mom hair was in a unkempt bun, and her over size t-shirt hung off one shoulder.

"Are you okay?" She huffed as she adjusted her shirt and ran a hand across her forehead. I could tell she broken into a sweat trying to maneuver her way through what was once our hallway.

"No." I whispered. My mother wrapped her arms around me and stared both of our reflection.I felt weird standing next to my mother. She was so beautiful and so graceful, even after everything she has been through.

"Now, what do you see." I flinched out my image. It seemed to be distorted between a fat girl, and someone who looked like they where knocking on death's door.  At first I didn't know how to reply to my mother's question, but then it hit me.

"Someone who needs help." I whispered. My mother gave me a tight squeeze and flashed a  brilliant smile.

"Maybe, but what do I see? I see a girl who lost her way, but is on the right path to setting everything straight. Even though things may never be the same again and you'll have to fight this every single day, that doesn't mean things can't get better." She turned to be facing me.