What's eating you?

Chapter 10

*Jacky's POV*

"Here you go Jacky." My dad set a huge plate of food down in front of me. My stomach twisted in agonizing knots. I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday morning, and I was still going strong. But I couldn't understand why my parents wanted me to fail.  Did they like seeing me be so miserable? Did they get a kick out of hurting me, by making me eat? Where they out to hurt me, just like everyone else?

My father sat in the chair across from me and made a point to stare at me. I glanced down at the plate, a noodles and red sauce where mixed together. Spaghetti great, the food with the most carbs. I poked at the food with my fork. The noodles looked like ugly little worms.

"Well eat up Jacky." My father gave me a frightened look.  I twirled my fork slowly around in the noodles. My mother was now also staring at me. Cold sweat started to bead the back of my neck. I brought the fork to my lips and took in a deep breath. The food smelt awful, like someone had set a plate of dog poop in front of me. I wanted to vomit, but I had to choked down one piece, just one to get them off my back. I closed my eyes and parted my lips and took in a deep breath.

One moment on the lips... Forever on the hips.

In that moment my lips sealed shut and I dropped the fork. I couldn't do this. How many more pounds do I have to struggle to lose to be fully happy, how many more until I am thin? 

You gonna eat that fatty?

"Jacky you need to eat." My father's voice was stone cold. 

"John." My mother hissed. " Jacky will you take at least one bite for us?" My mother placed her hand on mine. 

I picked up my fork and shoved it in my mouth. The urge to vomit was stronger now, but I had to force this small amount down. 

You will never be skinny enough to call yourself beautiful. 

Both of my parents gave reassuring smiles and started digging into their meals. I swirled my tongue around in my mouth to smash up the food. Time seemed to drag on forever. The longer I chewed the slower the moments passed. I carefully swallowed the now mush of food. It felt like chalk was sliding down my throat, choking off my air way.

"I got to go to the bathroom." My voice was a feeble choke. I roughly pushed back my chair, almost sending it tipping backwards.

"Oh, alright." I could tell I had caught my mother off guard. But that didn't matter now. I could feel the pounds being packed onto my body. I had eaten to much. Now I had to pay the price. I stumbled down the hallway, my heart pound heavily.

Run Jacky, run as fast as you can.

I was stumbling into walls and hanging pictures. I gave the bathroom door and hard push without even turning the doorknob. It gave a wood splitting crunch and swung open. The bathroom was pitch dark, except for the light that streamed in from the hallway. I flipped open the toilet bowel lid, and buried my head deep inside.

My stomach convulsed in sicken knot as all the food I had eaten started to be pushed up my throat. The vomit tasted of water and blood. Everything swirled around me, as I puked up my dinner, and what little I had for breakfast yesterday morning. The vomit seemed to never ending. A river that flows forever with in me.

I rested my head on the side of the toilet bowl once I was done vomiting.  I didn't know how long I had been in the bathroom, but I knew my parents would be looking for me, to make sure I ate the rest of my dinner.

I struggled to push to my feet. My whole body felt weak. I crawled away from the toilet and flushed. I had to prop myself against the door to stand up. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and immediately flinched. My body suddenly felt lighter, skinnier.

You are on your way to being beautiful.

I felt skinnier, I even looked skinnier than I was before. I couldn't help but to smile, I had found my way to become beautiful. I will do this for however long it takes to become beautiful, because being thin is beautiful.