What's eating you?

Chapter 4

*Jacky's Pov*

Run Jacky Run as fast as you can, but you'll never be skinny. You'll never be beautiful. All you'll ever be is fat and ugly. So run Jacky, run as fast as you can.

My shoes pounded against the hot pavement as I pushed my self faster. I had to burn off the salad I had choked down earlier. I couldn't let it sit in my stomach and add to the layer of fat that already rimmed my stomach.  My mother had shot me nerves glances for close to two hours as we silently at our meals. I knew my mother was ashamed of eating with me, so I quickly ate it, even though I knew what it would do to my body.

I rounded the corner and stopped. My lungs felt like they had been set on fire. I pulled the water bottle out of my sweat shirt and chugged at it. Suddenly hot sticky vomit crept up over my lips. I collapsed into the grass and threw up what little I had in my stomach. What was wrong with me? Why can't I lose the weight I wanted to? Why did I have to suffer with this?

I had been a straight A student for all of my high school years, now going into senior year I have high hopes of earning a scholarship. I was a track star, and had a wonderful boyfriend. But why couldn't I just lose ten more pounds?

I cleaned my lips with the sleeve of my sweatshirt, and struggled to my knees. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and quickly dialed Tate's number.

"Hello?" His voice sounded rough. A since of relief flooded through out my burning body.

"Tate?" I choked. My throat was raw from the vomit and the lack of water.

"Jacky? Are you alright? I got the call from your dad that you went to the hospital." His voice suddenly sounded stricken with worry. I hated myself for making him worry so much. I know he cares about me, but I could never shake the feeling that he was ashamed of how I looked. Another reason why I had to loose as much weight as I could.

"Ya I'm fine. I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight?" I tried to keep my voice steady. My heart beat rapidly inside my chest. It almost felt like I was having a heart attack.

Fat people have heart attacks Jacky.  Just like you.

I squinted my eyes closed. No it wasn't true, I'm not having a heart attack, it's just from the running. I'm going to be alright. Just keep your breathing under control.

"Sure." I could almost see his smile. " I'll come get you in like a half hour. Then we can go to the movies, then we can go out and eat." No, that was the last thing I wanted to do. I just wanted to be with Tate and forget the whole world. Forget how I looked, forget about everything.

"Do we have to go out to eat?" I staggered to my feet. I slowly started walking again.

"Yes Jacky, we have to eat something after the movie. Cause popcorn and candy won't do me any good. We can come back to my place and we can pig out on chips and soda." I gave a slight giggle. I didn't want to eat anything, but when I was with Tate, we would share a small candy bar, or split and sandwich. But nothing major, cause I couldn't forgive myself if I made a pig out myself in front of him.

I drew in a heavy breath and mumbled " Alright, I'll see you when you come pick me up later." My hair was coated to the back of my neck in a thin layer of cold sweat.

*Tate's POV*

When Jacky called me, I felt a flood of relief. She was the only thing that ran through my mind now a days. After my awful break up with Hannah, I thought I  didn't have to live for anything. But one night at a stupid Frat party, I meet a beautiful girl, and she changed my life forever.

I knew after Darren's death, Jacky's world crumbled, but I didn't know how bad until the night of the pool party. Jacky had invited me and her friend Faith to a end of the summer pool party. The moment I saw Jack in her tank top and shorts, I knew she had a eating disorder. I tried to confront her about it, but only made her feel worse and push me away.

I quickly pulled on jeans over my shorts and throw on a t-shirt. I meet Jacky at the end of the year bomb fire. I had just broken up with my girlfriend of three years. When I first saw her, I knew there was something special about her. She had beautiful eyes, and long silkily brunette hair than hung past her shoulders in soft ringlets. She was sitting alone carefully listening to some other girl talking right beside her. The moment I said hello to her, I knew I wanted to be with her. But then everything changed when her brother died. We had only been dating few weeks when Darren died, and I thought that would be a deal breaker.

Jacky pulled away from me. Stopped talking to anyone, she was no longer that out going girl who I fell in love with.  Nothing had ever been the same between me and Jacky.  It always seemed like she wasn't there, like she was somewhere far off and no one could reach her. Jacky used to enjoy going out to eat, and spending time out in the world. But now a days she seemed afraid of everything. Afraid to eat, afraid to talk, afraid to live.