What's eating you?

Chapter 5

*Jacky's POV*

I stared down at the scale, my whole body trembling in fear. I had put on extra pounds, the pounds I fought so hard to loose, I had lost control and gained them back. I pinched at my stomach, the skin was squishy between my fingers. My thighs were the worst. They always touched each other even when my feet weren't. I ran my hands roughly over my thighs. The skin rolled with my hands, then snapped back into place.

You have no self control. You are a disgusting pig Jacky.

Tears threaten to fall from behind my eye lids. No, I wouldn't have a breakdown tonight, not after what I had to go through with my mom. She hadn't talked to me all night. After I had come home from my run, I told her I was going out with Tate, but all she did was stare at me. Her and my dad locked themselves in their room and where having a very loud discussion about me.

See what you've done? Now you're driving your family apart? 

"Stop it! It's not my fault!" I screamed. It wasn't my fault, was it? I couldn't be the one driving them apart, could I? 

"Something is wrong with her John!" My mother was screaming now. Tears fell from my eyes. I knew there was something wrong with me, and having my mother finally say something about, made me feel even worse.

"Carrie we can't just go storming into her room and demand her to tell us what wrong-" My mother cut him off.

"Jacky only weighs 96 pounds 96 John and god know how much she's been dropping since I found out! A girl her height should at least weigh 105. When we went out to eat all she had was a small salad and a glass of water and even at that she barely finished the salad. John we have to do something." I could tell my mother was crying.

This is all your fault.

"Carrie, if we confront her about it. God knows what she might do. We can't force her to tell us anything, we don't want her slipping away from us. All we can do is slowly talk to her about it. Maybe even get her into some therapy, and see where it goes from there. But we have to take things slow." Therapy? I'm not crazy, I'm just disgusting.

"You're right. I just can't lose her too. It just hurts me to see my baby girl wasting away like this." Everything went silent. 

Look what you done now. You have pushed them apart. After everything they have been though? What's wrong with you? Attention whore. 

No, I didn't mean to push my parents apart. I didn't mean to cause them so much grief, I just want to be pretty, so I don't make them ashamed of me. I sat on the edge of my bed carefully and glanced around my room. Pictures lined the walls, and shelves. Medals and trophies where scattered around, along with posters and drawings. A magazine laid sprawled across my desk. I picked it up gently and flipped through the pages. Girl's with beautiful hair and eyes lined page after page. They where skinny and beautiful.

Something you will never be.

I flipped to a page where a fairly tall girl, with short wavy blond hair  was wearing a bikini and high heels and was leaning against a wall of some sort. She was skinny and beautiful. Her skin formed around her cheek bones, and you could faintly see her ribs.

See Jacky? She's beautiful. You're just fat and ugly.

I flung the magazine to the floor. It skittered to a halt and rested lopsided against the wall. I couldn't stand too look at it any longer. I would never be beautiful, I would never be skinny, I would never be able to make my parents proud of me. 

My stomach churned in awful knots. I was feeling light headed. My heart pounded loudly inside my chest, again it felt like I was having a heart attack. My breathing came in short quick gasp. The room felt like it was closing in around me. I wanted to call out for help, but it seemed my voice had gotten lost. A thick cloudy haze started to cross over my eyes. Everything was becoming blurry as I stumbled up to my feet. I fell forward when a knock at my door made ice shoot through my veins.