Facade [h.s]

four

"Troubles with Indigo?" A sudden voice said behind me, and I turned around, catching Joel's blue stare on me.

I shrugged. "Kind of?" I stood up and rounded the couch, leaning against its back next to my best friend. "She really wants me to stay away from Harry, and I don't understand why. I mean, you're friends so he can't be that bad, right?"

He hummed. "We're acquaintances more than friends, if I have to be honest. And if you want my opinion, staying away from him wouldn't be a bad idea at all" he replied. "After all, he's involved in some bad things, what would happen if they were brought up to the uni's attention? You too wouldn't look too good if you were to spend a lot of time with him, and you know how hard your dad worked to get you where you are now."

"I guess you're right" I said, sighing. "I don't know, I just feel like there's something she isn't telling me and I can't understand why. We've been friends for such a long time, why would she?"

"I'm sure she'll come around" he replied reassuringly, and I nodded.

"By the way, have you heard from Callie? She kind of disappeared" I asked him quickly, suddenly remembering that they'd gone to find the perfect dress for her together.

"Not really" he answered. "We talked when we went out together, and she freaked out and went home, I don't know."

I gave him a curious glance. "What did you talk about?" I asked, wondering if she'd told him the truth about how she felt about him. That was what I'd hoped would've happened when I'd suggested them going out together, after all.

He tilted his head, a reluctant expression on his face. "Just some things." He looked past me, a frown on his face. "Hang on, I need to talk to someone."

I nodded, sending him a quick glance as he walked away, frowning a bit when I realised that both of my friends had kind of ditched me. I sighed, I hated when that happened, especially at small get togethers like those. I wasn't good at meeting new people - more like, I didn't want to. I was way more open to making new friendships in the past, we all were, but after what had happened we'd started isolating ourselves a bit.

I couldn't tell why, not for the others, at least. For me, it was the realisation that I had no way of truly knowing that someone I'd just met was a good person or not, and I didn't want to risk putting myself in danger. I knew how ridiculous it was to always expect the worst out of people, but I couldn't help me. Theo's passing had helped me to realise that there were people in the world that did bad things, and that I wouldn't have always been safe just because I was me. Maybe I would've got past it at some point, but in that moment, it couldn't hurt to be a little more careful.

Another reason was that I hated the way people looked at me - at us. To everyone, we were the ones whose friend had died. Whenever I talked to someone knew I could feel it hanging over us like a dark, unspoken cloud. I could see in their eyes that it was what they truly wanted to talk about, a mix of pity and curiosity tinted with the fear of bringing it up. I hated it.

With Harry though, it was different. He seemed to give no fucks about what had happened, he was completely unafraid of taunting me and pissing me off all the time, and I kind of liked that. Sure, I hated that he always felt the need to make sure I knew he wasn't enjoying my presence, but at the same time I couldn't help but find it so refreshing, so different from how everyone else saw me.

Sometimes I felt like we'd lost ourselves in the way. In the last few months we'd started acting differently, we'd become different people, and I wasn't sure I liked it. Everyone had seemed to find their way to cope with it all, Joel kept throwing parties whenever his parents weren't at home and Callie kept getting drunk, Indigo kept meeting new and different people and I was left there, alone. I couldn't complain though, because I understood it. How could I have not?