fifty

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I was woken up some hours after by Harry's mother.

After I'd come back into the room I'd gotten to exchange a couple of words with Harry again before he'd fallen asleep, and then watched over him after he'd closed his eyes until my own tiredness had gotten the best of me as well, making me fall asleep while sitting on the metallic chair with my head on the mattress next to his legs.

My neck and back were hurting but, considering the situation we were in, I didn't really mind. It was a minimal issue, basically irrelevant in the scheme of things.

"Raine, it's six."

I stirred awake at the sound of a voice that still wasn't that familiar to me, frowning a bit when I took in my surroundings, feeling a bit confused by them before remembering the night before.

I rushed to stand up, grabbing the side rail of the bed Harry was in to stabilise myself when my head started spinning at the quick action. I looked down at him fast, as if for some reason I believed his well-being strongly depended on being stared at by me.

I let out a sigh of relief when I realised that nothing seemed to have changed from the night before and that he was still in a deep sleep, the events that had taken place the day before and the medication he was on having worn him out completely.

It'd been a hellish night but, with the pale light of the rising sun coming in from the window, it didn't seem as awful as it did before.

For a little while, at least.

I smiled a little, brushing a strand of brunette hair out of his face, immediately moving my hand away when his eyelashes fluttered at the gentle touch, not wanting to wake him up.

"You should go back home, have a shower and change into some new clothes," Harry's mother said from behind me and I turned my head towards her, frowning a bit. "I know you want to stay with him," she continued, taking in the look I sent her, "but you need to take care of yourself, too. I can drive you, and we'll come back here when you're done."

I sighed, considering the offer. It was a really good one, I knew that, but the thought of Harry waking up alone hurt my heart. I wanted to be there when he would open his eyes again, not only to be able to tell myself another time that he would be fine, but also to prove to him that I'd kept my promise and stayed with him through the whole night.

I wanted him to know that I'd been there, that I'd stayed there to ensure he was safe and protect him from the rest of the world, that he'd been the only thing on my mind. That he'd never been in danger while he was sleeping. I knew he already knew that, I doubted he would've fallen asleep if he hadn't known, but I couldn't help it. Maybe I'd needed to make sure  that the rest of his night would've been peaceful for me, too. Maybe I'd been the one that needed reassurance all along, and not him.

I hoped he was having a good sleep, if I could even hope for something like that, considering the circumstances. But in case he wasn't, the idea of him waking up to an empty room scared me even more.

"I don't want Harry to wake up alone..." I said, already feeling guilty for refusing her offer. She was being so kind, it was awful of me to do that. Especially after her son had almost died because of me. It was my fault if he was there, in that bed, instead of being at home. I didn't deserve her kindness, and she deserved better than me refusing it so rudely.

She sighed, not seeming to get that I didn't deserve her being so nice to me, not after what I'd done. "It's only been a few hours, I don't think he'll wake up so soon. If you're quick and live close enough, we can be back here in less than an hour."

"Why are you being so kind to me?" I asked her, not understanding why she was acting like that. She could say it wasn't my fault all she wanted, but it didn't change the fact that Harry would've been fine if it hadn't been for me. He'd been shot because he'd come to help me, because I'd been kidnapped, because I'd pissed Joel off and made him think Harry was going to tell on it, but it'd always been me. Since the start, I'd always been me.

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