fourteen

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I was freaking out.

A day had gone by, but I was still freaking out. I couldn't tell if I'd really been freaking out for twenty-four hours straight or if it had gone and come again multiple times, but I knew that Amelie noticed that something was wrong, and she wasn't the only one.

Indigo had sent me some texts, to which I couldn't find it in me to reply, mostly because I still felt guilty about what had happened - and also because I was terrified she would've looked at me and been able to tell. She wasn't the only one that tried to contact me, though.

In the span of twenty-four hours, Harry had called me more than ten times, and I hadn't answered a single call, opting for just muting my phone and forgetting it on my nightstand as I tried to figure out what had happened - or how to pretend nothing had happened, too.

I didn't know why I'd kissed Harry. I didn't know what had led me to believe in that moment that it was a good idea, because it certainly wasn't. In fact, kissing him was probably everything I should've never done. The worst part was that I had liked it too. It hadn't lasted long, thankfully, but I'd definitely liked it, and I didn't know how to go back from that.

I didn't even know why I'd done it, or if I'd truly meant to kiss Harry, but I couldn't shake out of my head the feeling of his lips on mine, and the kiss itself had only lasted a couple of seconds. I knew that if it'd happened again, I would've been done for.

I wasn't even sure if I wanted it to happen. More like, for some crazy reason, I definitely did, but at the same time I didn't, too, because I knew it would've been a disaster. I didn't even know why that kiss had struck me so deeply. After all, I already knew Harry hooked up with quite a lot of people, so I was sure that that kiss had meant nothing to him. So why was I even worrying so much? He didn't care about it, and I could easily pretend I didn't either, and we would've moved on.

But the thing was, I did. And I wasn't that sure I could pretend nothing had happened, it didn't matter how hard I wanted to. I was terrified at the simple thought of having ruined things with Harry. Up until that moment everything had been easy, fun, noncommittal, and I'd loved that. I didn't want to think that a momentary clouding of my judgement had ruined it all.

It turned out that muting my phone wasn't a good idea at all, because I didn't get to see the last text Indigo had sent me, that would've told me she was on her way.

Which is why, when she came knocking at my front door and was let in my Amelie, she found me sitting on the floor with my back against the side of my bed, staring out of the window as I - unknowingly to her - tried to figure out what I was supposed to do. Was I supposed to ignore Harry until the end of my days, or was I suppose to pretend nothing had ever happened? I knew I could've never just ignored him.

"Raine?"

I turned around quickly in the second my name was called, my heart almost beating out of my chest as I hadn't expected anyone to be in the room, relaxing only when I met the blue eyes of my supposed to be best friend. "Indie" I simply said, still a bit shocked by her presence in my doorway.

She took another step into the room, closing the door to guarantee us some privacy. "Amelie let me in" she commented, and I nodded, waiting for her to say something else that would've justified her presence in my room. "You didn't answer my texts."

I gave her a little shrug. "I was busy" I replied. I didn't understand why she'd thought she needed to come around. After all, a single day wasn't that long of a time.

"You went home alone yesterday" she said, referring to the fact that I'd left Joel's house by foot. Why had he even told her? It wasn't important. "I was worried."

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